滿月啦 Celebration on one month

今日好開心，因為剛剛和中學的同學們Skype傾談。他們從加拿大、香港、美國、不同的地方， 在LA上船今天到三藩市。原本我以為是28號明天才和他們Skype。在醫院抽血的時候他們來電，所以回家就和他們Skype。
覺得很被祝福，因為上個月的27號，我被確診為癌症病人，今天剛剛滿了一個月。而神就送了一份隆情厚意的大禮來慶祝這一個月來的種種恩惠。能夠和他們逐一傾談，我心特別充滿了感謝。
昨天晚上睡覺的時候就已經心裏有一盼望，在滿月的日子要數算神的恩典。當初會想問神，為甚麼要我行這條路，一個月下來，心中知道，這路上的景物圖畫是別路沒有的。  我釋然了。我要做的就要祂教我如何懂得欣賞路上的風光

在這一個月裏，我看到
1。他賜下安慰的言語，而且是重複地保證。他說要做我的盾牌，要差派天使四圍安營搭救我，要建造我，和沒有能害我的(詩篇90)， 這都一一應驗。
2，他興起許多弟兄姊妹為我守望。
3，他除去我化療的副作用，沒有嘔吐。
4，我仍有胃口吃東西。
5，神把癌細胞圍堵在他許可的範圍裏，我身體其他地方，是沒有癌細胞的。
6，花療一個禮拜後，腫瘤縮小了。
7，朋友幫助我開部落格，兒子教我用iPad講中文，不用手打方便很多。
8，有弟兄提我把中文翻譯成英文。
9，每一次化療或抽血的看護有許多是基督徒，即或不是，他們很樂意和我一同禱告交托。
10，我仍然每天可以敬拜讚美上主，每次敬拜的時候心中就不懼怕。
11，每晚都和范牧師一同敬拜讀經禱告然後才入睡，一個月下來已經成為一個我們不能缺少的習慣。
12，兒子已請到幫忙家務的姊妹，神有預備。
13，范牧師全心全意的照顧，
14，朋友對我的關心，親手縫製了一件手術後方便穿的內衣，又寄來名貴美味的水果。
15，有同學要從LA上來照顧我一個禮拜。
16，每日有十多人為我禱告。
17，每日神都有話語，剛剛是那天的需要，就如以色列人在曠野拾取嗎哪的經驗。
18，神透過肢體接納我的道歉表達他對我的寬恕。
19，兒子一家就住在旁邊。每天都可以見到他們。
20 ,  兩次的驗血都過關。
21，醫院和家的距離很近。
22 ,  化療醫生用心來醫治我。
23，替我開刀的心臟外科醫生和心臟科醫生都很關心我。
24，脫牙後的出血是個有驚無險的過程。
25，王虹,Grace,教會的牧師師師母們的勞心勞力，成立代禱網和寫禱文
26，眾多鼓勵的來言
27， 神多方從不同角度對我的提醒
28， 范牧師說，‘可以和你一同經歷癌症病人面對的惶恐不安，懼怕，但卻又實在地領受神在其中時的平安。
29，  孫女孫子告訴我她們每天都為我禱告
30，  家人的適應和對神的信
還有。。。。

其實，神所行的都是可感恩的，但祂行的都是因為祂是位怎樣的神， 在這神為我編寫的路上，我選擇敬拜， Because of Who You Are, 我心愛的歌。年輕時唱，現在高音處已很吃力， 但靈裡可以到位：))

謝謝你和我一同感恩。

Lord, I praise You, because of who you are, not just for all the mighty things that you have don. Lord I worship You, because of who you are, you are all the reasons that I need to voice my praise, because of who you are. (My favorite song, used to sing when I was young, now the high pitch is too much for me, but my soul can sing that high)

Today is a happy day, I skype with my high school classmates who are celebrating our 50th anniversary high school graduation, they boarded a cruise from LA, today arrived SF, originally planned to skype with me on the 28th, but they call today the 27th.  A special Day for me because I was confirmed as a cancer patient on 27th March, one month ago. And God send me such a wonderful gift to celebrate my one month's blessing.  The Lord is good.

Last night I was thinking that I would like to count the blessings to celebrate the one month.  For one month ago, I did want to ask God, why lead me onto this path, after one month, my heart knows, this path has its own and unique pictures and scenery that other path does not have.  My heart rests. For I have been seeing,

1. His promises : He is my shield, will deliver me, will build me up , nothing can harm me (Ps 90), and all these promises came to me twice thru different sources.
2. He raises a prayer team to cover me
3. He takes away the chemo side effect, I do have the nausea problem.
4. I can eat the things I like
5. The cancer cell only can stay in the area He allows. There's no cancer cell in my other part of body
6. The lump shrink after one week chemo
7. My friend helped me to open the blog, Ernest taught me how to use I Pad to talk in Chinese and came out beautifully
8. Friends helping me in English translation
9. The RN in the infusion center that serve me, many are Christians, even not a believer, they always more than happy to allow me to pray with them before and after the procedure.
10. I can still praising and worship Him daily, and it take away the fear and anxiety.
11. Build up the habit with Simon that we always worship, read the Bible and pray together before bed.
12. Ernest are able to find a helper , will begin at May 1.
13. Thanks for the whole hearted caring from Simon
14. One of my friend sew me a camisole and a seat belt liner which is to be used on my seat belt to protect my port, also sent me a box of delicious pears
15. One of my schoolmates planning to come from LA to take care of me for one week.
16. there are average 15 people praying for me daily
17. God forgive me thru the acceptance of my apology to a person I verbally offended .
18. Experiencing God's word is my daily bread for that particular day
19. Son, daughter in law and grandchildren live next door, I can see them every day
20. All my blood test passed
21. only 10 minutes driving between Kaiser and home
22. A very caring Oncologist
23. Both my heart surgeon and cardiologist  concerns about my situation
24. The more than 10 hours bleeding after molar extraction was scary but not dangerous
25. Hong, Grace, church pastors and pastors' wives so caring and lovingly to set up the prayer net to uphold me, and write up the weekly prayers to cover me.
26. All the encouraging words to cheer me from friends all over the world
27. God's teaching in my life during this period
28. Simon said, "that I can experience together with you, how and what a cancer patient's scary and worry, yet the peace is so real when we know God's presence is here"
29. Katelyn and Jakin told me that they pray for me every day
30. Family members adjusting well and learn how to trust Him

And more...

These are all the wonderful things God has done, all should be thankful for, yet, all what he has done is only because of Who He is, So I choose to worship Him in walking with Him on this special healing path.  And what I need to do is keep asking Him to teach me how to appreciate the things I see.

加油 Come on ?

默想‘安息’時，想起了穎穎(宣教日引的主編，一個很關心我的同工，她經常把為我做的禱詞電郵給我)，有一段很提醒的話:

我們不需要苦苦爭扎，逼自己要堅強，要懂事，要快快站起來，甚至要為誰著想，要作好見証，都不需要，

作晚和范牧師睡前的禱告就對主說， "主，你知道我愛你，你知道我會有無力的時刻，記得快快來抱起我，我是不需要勉強或裝出剛強才能表達我對你的愛的"。 我的主何等明白我的軟弱。主，謝謝你。

以下就是她在(4/17)給我的禱告，經她同意分享:

於是離開他們約有扔一塊石頭那麼遠，跪下禱告， 說：『父啊！你若願意，就把這杯撤去！然而，不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。』有一位天使從天上顯現，加添他的力量。 耶穌極其傷痛，禱告更加懇切，汗珠如大血點滴在地上。」（路加福音二十二章41-44節）

這段時間為有需要的人禱告，昨天無意中讀到這節經文，注意到從天上來的天使加添力量給耶穌。我們總對在困難中的人說「加油」，但其實在那个時候，人的油已用光了，實在沒什麽「油」可加了，也沒能力自己製造油，這樣的打氣並沒有太大意義，但卻是我們唯一可以說的，因為我們都知道，唯有加更多的「油」，才有可能跨過這困難。

「加油」，意味著是從外面加添进来的，好像汽車沒有油了，需到油站加添，才能重新發動。這節經文讓我感到安慰和穩妥，因為當我們在困難時，油用盡了時，不是自己「加油」，而是神會差天使来加添給我們。

父啊，神子主耶穌為我們走這一趟路，在这段最黑暗、恐懼、不想面對、傷痛的人生路中，你透過耶稣告訴我們，當我們恐懼和不能面對擺在前面的路時，也會有天使來加添力量給我們，我們會有足夠力量去面對一切困難，也能戰勝內心的恐懼。我們不需要苦苦爭扎，逼自己要堅強，要懂事，要快快站起來，甚至要為誰著想，要作好見証，都不需要，我們只需回到你面前，領受從天上來的能力，你加添給我們的力量一定是足夠我們使用的。父，你是真神，我們信你，不是為了讓自己心靈有個寄託，讓自己好過些，而是要經歷實實在在的「加油」，還有，復活的大能！你榮耀彰顯，愛子被尊榮。我這樣為師母，迪和，惠美禱告。奉主名求，阿們。

When I was doing my meditation on rest, I remember an e-mail prayer from Yein Yein (Mission Pathway chief editor).  A very caring sister who sends me her prayers from time to time, and there's one passage from her prayer that reminds me regarding ' resting".

We don’t need to struggle and force ourselves to be strong, mature, to get up quickly and be concerned that we should live out a good testimony. All these are unnecessary.
last night bedtime prayer with Simon, I told Him, " Lord, you know I love you, and there will be time I don't feel like to press on, come quickly , I don't need to pretend that I am strong to express my love to you".   Thank you, my high priest, for yours ministry of grace. 

Here is her prayer for me on 4/17. With her consent, I wish to share with you:

“And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”(Luke 22: 41-44)

While praying for people in need. I came across the above passage regarding an angel came to strengthen Jesus. We like to tell people “come on, add oil” in their difficulties. but in fact, at that time, people have run out of oil, it is no more, "oil" can be created on their own oil to move on one step further.  And, "come on" is all we can offer to encourage,for we know that more 'oil' is needed to  overcome their difficulties.

 “Come on, in Chinese :add oil” actually implies something coming from external. It is like when we are running out of gas, we need to refuel from a gas station to keep going. This passage in fact gives me peace and comfort. When we face difficulties and run out of gas, we cannot refuel by ourselves. It’s rather God who will send His Angels down to refuel us.

Father God, your Son Jesus had walked for us, the darkest, fearful, painful suffering path.Thru this, you told us, in the most fearful road that I don’t want to face, there will be an Angel coming to strengthen me, make me strong enough to face my difficulties and overcome the fear in my heart. We don’t need to struggle and force ourselves to be strong, mature, to get up quickly and be concerned that we should live out a good testimony. All these are unnecessary. We only need to come in front of you and receive the strength from heaven. Your strength in us is more than what we need. Father God, you are the true God. I believe in you not because to make me feeling better, but to experience your faithful “strengthening” and your power of resurrection. Glory be to You and Your son be exalted. I pray for Mrs. Fan, Di-wo and Wai-mei in Jesus’ name. Amen!

還有更好嗎 I couldn't be in better hands

Get well card from Pastor Willy Liu(廖威利牧師)

Jesus The  Healer

The One who made us, knows how to mend us.

He is the Great Physician, the only One who can heal body, soul, and spirit.

His appointment calendar is never too full...

His schedule is never too busy...

His diagnosis is accurate...

His treatment is gentle...

His results are wonderful !!! 

I couldn't be in better hands ! 

"With His stripes we are healed" Isaiah 53:5 KJV

今天是禮拜六，猶太人的安息日，這兩天的讀經和默想都圍繞著希伯來書三四章的“安息, 以及聆聽欣賞  Be Still, For the presence of the Lord 這首心愛的歌

Today is Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath。 These  two days my have been meditating on "rest"  in Hebrews chapter 3 and 4 's . and listening to my favorite , Be Still, For the presence of the Lord.

Be still for the presence of the Lord

The Holy One is here

Come bow before Him now

With reverence and fear 

In Him no sin is found

We stand on holy ground

Be still for the presence of the Lord

The Holy One is here

 

Be still for the glory of the Lord

Is shining all around He burns with holy fire

With splendor He is crowned 

How awesome is the sight

Our radiant King of Light

Be still for the glory of the Lord

Is shining all around

Be still for the power of the Lord

Is moving in this place

He comes to cleanse and heal

To minister His grace

No work too hard for Him

In faith receive from Him

Be still for the power of the Lord

Is moving in this place   

Be still   Be still

新招數

昨天 (4.22)，做第二次化療，因為第一次化療有過敏，所以醫生這次打點滴時加重了抗過敏藥，我有反應，不能起來，講不到話，護士叫我睡覺也不行，後來要加鹽水將過敏藥沖走些。回家後，頭仍然很重，昨天晚上，整晚都沒有睡覺。

神讓我想起一件事。讀中學時患了風濕心臟病，所以一直每個月要打盤尼西林針。直到一次在醫生那裏打完針之後，頭暈心跳不能起來，送去急症室。從那時開始，我就不再去打針。

但是奇妙的事發生了，原來我是可以不用每月打針，但也不會像從前那樣每個月都發高燒喉嚨痛而影響心臟。這情況只有神知道，醫生不知道。原來我的喉嚨發炎是由於牙根發炎引起，我一個朋友 Jane Poon 送了一個洗牙器給我，我用了一個多月，牙根發炎的情況有好轉，喉嚨發炎的病灶取消了，所以不用再打針。我們的神多奇妙啊。

第一次化療後嚴重的頭通和牙床痛和出血，令醫生停了止嘔藥，就發現原來我是可以不用止嘔藥的，否則我就會照規矩每天都服用。

神再一次用一些好像是意外的事情來改變醫生對我的治療方案。故此我相信昨天的反應，應當是神的一個新招數，會拭目以待。

我相信神的信實，是獨行奇事的偉大創造者。由於昨天在化療下藥的時候發生反應，所以化療醫生來看我，我要求她替我檢查腫瘤的大小，因為我和范牧師都覺得它縮小了。感謝神，醫生很開心說的確是細了和軟了。對醫生來說，這當然是化療的果效，最初對我說要經過六個禮拜後才會替我檢查進展。但昨天只一個禮拜就縮小了。

我心裏清楚知道，你們大家都知道，神在使用化療，但更是由於你們眾人的禱告， 神垂聽了。因為祂向我存的是平安的意念。

為我禱告，讓我把那起初的信心堅持到底，腳步立在他的話語上，讓祂緊握我手。

今天覺得疲乏。謝謝你們。

My oncologist doctor, Dr. Mirinal Dutia, a very nice and listening doctor.  And she told me "keep on praying".  Appreciate you pray for her too.  Dr. Dutia, thank you for your loving caring, always there for me.

Yesterday was the second chemotherapy, because the first chemotherapy I have swollen face, redness and warm, so the doctor this time applied more anti allergy medication . Then I have strange reaction, not able to get up, speak less, even the nurse told me to sleep does not work. After returning home, the head is still heavy, last night, did not sleep all night.

God reminds me of one thing. I had rheumatic heart disease at age 17, had to take long acting penicillin monthly to prevent heart infection. in 30s,after a shot, dizziness and racing heartbeat happened , end up sent to in ER. Since then, I stops the shots.

Then wonderful thing happened, even I did not have the monthly injections, but it will not be like it was before every month, sore throat and high fever . A friend gave me a water-pik, after using it a month, the gum situation improved , sore throat esions removed, no need injections. because the throat inflammation root cause was the gum disease. This situation only God knows, God is a faithful wonderful creator.

Due to last week's first chemotherapy, I had severe head ache and bleeding gums, so the doctor stopped the antiemetic drug, then found out that I was doing OK without the antiemetic drugs, otherwise, I would take it daily..

God seems to be once again with some unexpected things to to show me his plan for my treatment. Therefore, I believe that yesterday's reaction, should be a new tactic of God, will see.

Because yesterday's reaction happened during the infusion, so oncologist came to see me, I asked her to check the size of the tumor, for both myself and Simon felt its size became smaller. Thank God, the doctor happily found out that it became smaller and softer. Being an oncologist doctors, of course it was the fruit of chemotherapy, she actually told me that she will check the progress after six weeks. But yesterday, only a week.

we all well aware, that God can use chemotherapy, but actually it is because of all of you pray, God hears. For all He has for me is Shalom . Pray for me, so that I will hold fast , standing in the ground of his words, let him hold my hand.Felt tired Today. Thank you.

禱文 Weekly Prayer 4/20-26

若不是患癌，我經歷不到我平時健康時的福氣。 特別是眾人的愛和被禱告所承托這福氣。以下是我的教會肢體為我在神面前所寫的代求。每週七天，每天平均有 15位弟兄姊妹托住我。

想起了一首歌

愛何等大，恩何等深，主如此愛我！！！

Yes, Father God, 

We joint our hearts to praise you for you are the Creator and Eternal God of the universe. We confess of our mortality and thank you for providing us life and whatever that are needed enjoy the lives under the Sun. Thank you for your righteousness to shine over the young and old, male and female, just and the unjust, believers and nonbelievers, healthy and unhealthy ones.

We humble ourselves before you and ask for your favor in the name of Jesus Christ, Please relieve Esther Fan from any side effect of Chemo, remove all the fear from her, heal Esther Fan and keep her favor in your presence. We also joint our hearts in the name of Christ to ask you empower the medical team to perform a safe and smooth procedure, and grant them wisdom to know what is inside and how to treat Esther Fan.

Lord Jesus, we also ask for your peace which beyond all understanding will be with Pastor Fan and family members. Strengthen them with your Holy Spirit and protect them from all the attacks of the enemy. Thank you, in Jesus name we pray,

Amen
___________________________________________

If not because of cancer, I will never experience those precious blessing I can have with good health, now I am surrounded by tons of love and covered by prayers. The above prayer is my church members plea for me before God,  Seven days a week, every day there are about  15 brothers and sisters uphold and cover me with prayers.A hymn rings loudly:Love how great, Grace how deep grace ! ! !

祂看顧麻雀 His Eyes is On The Sparrow

人原來是很容易就打退堂鼓的，因為化療的過敏，我對昨天的驗血有時就希望不過關，以這樣來表示神攔阻化療﹗(很天真﹗)另一方面，又覺得怎麼這樣沒有勇氣。

其實，昨天讀希伯來書3:1，神已叫我思想主耶穌，他在神所任命的事上盡忠，我不是說我轉了新工嗎，就得好好地做，這樣就能把可誇的盼望和膽量堅持到底。

(希伯來書3:1-6) 同蒙天召的聖潔弟兄啊，你們應當思想我們所認為使者、為大祭司的耶穌。 2 他為那設立他的盡忠，如同摩西在上帝的全家盡忠一樣。 3 他比摩西算是更配多得榮耀，好像建造房屋的比房屋更尊榮； 4 因為房屋都必有人建造，但建造萬物的就是上帝。 5 摩西為僕人，在上帝的全家誠然盡忠，為要證明將來必傳說的事。 6 但基督為兒子，治理上帝的家；我們若將可誇的盼望和膽量堅持到底，便是他的家了。

睡前和范牧師再讀詩篇50篇，神再次說，空中的飛鳥，我都知道(認識) 50:11。想起了小時候，教會的師母(袁戒玉琴師母)給我起了個外號「小麻雀」，她說我面孔細小，但愛唱歌，叫我做小雀鳥，我知道這是神再次的保證。

年輕時，在香港替環球廣播電台錄詩歌給大陸，主持人把其中一次所錄的幾首聖詩，做成盒帶給我(只這次，其他都沒有，因歌是錄大盤帶)。伴奏是張有光牧師的女公子之一，她的伴奏極棒，我快她快，我慢她支持，一次過就錄完。可惜過後就再沒有機會再見，趁這機會謝謝她。我相信四十年前，神已有預備，今天可以和大家分享

為何灰心常怨嘆 為何黑影濔漫 為何心靈覺孤單 甚至欲脫塵寰 耶穌是我的良友 萬福賜我享受 祂既看顧小麻雀 深知我必蒙眷佑 祂既看顧小麻雀 深知我必蒙眷佑

我聽救主溫柔聲 除去你心憂情 安息主懷多恬靜 毫無疑懼戰驚  有主引領在前頭 步步跟隨祂走 祂既看顧小麻雀 深知我必蒙眷佑  祂既看顧小麻雀 深知我必蒙眷佑

我唱因我得自由 我唱因我無憂 我救主既看顧麻雀 深知我必蒙眷佑

感謝神，驗血報告過關。

神許可，明天4/22， 3:00pm第二週化療。這次只用一種藥求神透過明天的療程知道我的心臟在上次化療後跳得快,是否因這藥受影響.

心中感激著范牧師，我人生的伴侶；家人。還有你們，親愛的代禱者。

Turned out I found myself  to be very easy to back down, because allergies to chemotherapy, there were some moments yesterday that I wish the blood tests would not pass,  naively to think that God's hand not let me to do chemotherapy! (Very naive!) On the other hand, and wondered why I was so scary.

 In fact, yesterday Hebrew reading, God already told me to think about Jesus, He was faithful on what God has appointed, Have not saying that now I have  a new part time job?, Then I  have to do it well, so I can rejoicing of the hope and courage to persist in the end.

Bedtime Simon and I read Psalm 50 again, God says again, the birds of the air, I know them. 50:11 It reminds me whenI was a child, my church pastor's wife Mrs. Esther Yung gave me the nickname "Little Sparrow," she said that I had a tiny facel, but love to sing, should call me little bird , I know that this is God's guarantee again .

When I was young, I volunteer HKTWR to sing hymns for China ministry,  the hosts made me a cassett of one recording (only that time, the others were in large wheel tape). One of Pastor Cheung Yau Kwong's daughter was the pianist, her accompaniment fantastic and so supportive, we did it just one tick.  Unfortunately, there was no chance for us to do it again after a bye, would like to take this opportunity to thank her. I believe that God has prepared this 40 years ago for me to share with you all today.

Thank God, the blood test report is OK,God permits, tomorrow 4/22, 3:00 pm the second chemotherapy. Only one chemo medication will be used, pray that the doctor and I will know whether my racing heart (after last infusion) was being affected by that particular one or not.

Deep deep thanks to Simon, my life partner;  and family. And you all, my dear intercessors.

化療威力 神恩超過 He is more powerful than Chemo

4月15開始化療

4月16 中午開始面孔發熱紅了起初以為是家裡熱。半夜開始頭痛，牙床痛。

化療藥真不能低估其威力。致電醫院，矚找我的家庭醫生，因為要由她主持大局看看我要就那個醫生談。我聽話回到床上默想當日的詩篇，和臨睡前唱的有一道河這歌: 

一道江河流呀流呀
流到丰盛的生命
颂赞奇妙荣耀的圣名
我灵歌唱唱呀唱呀
唱到灵里都欢欣
主圣灵现在来掌权运行 

其間神提醒我，我是上帝之城， 要心中喜樂，因有上帝住在其中。天一亮  上帝的幫助就要臨到，不覺地入睡了

 

早上起來，牙床出血面孔發熱紅腫脹到了下巴，感謝神見了化療醫生Dr. Dutia，她說頭痛是由於止嘔藥, (Ondansetron)停之. 感謝神不用止嘔藥我也OK，神奇妙作為已開始彰顯。面孔發熱和紅腫脹是我對化療藥 (Paclitaxel)的敏感和反應，一般人很少有。Dr. Dutia說但都讓我有了，期待麻煩多恩典更多的經歷。開了過敏藥。臨走她說, "Please keep on prayer". 

晚上覺得面沒有那麼熨。我知道是會好的，神已說了。

 

神啊請讓我的靈常高聲歌唱

唱呀唱呀 唱到灵里都欢欣

讓你的應許早些來到

天早些兒亮 

聖經:有一道河，這河的分汊使上帝的城歡喜； 這城就是至高者居住的聖所。 上帝在其中，城必不動搖； 到天一亮，上帝必幫助這城。Psalm 46:4-5

今天聽了"The Holy City" 不下十次。好偉大的聖詩。

Hosanna, to the Highest, Hosanna for ever more

明天4/20(一)驗血；4/22 第二次化療

 

4/15  Begin chemo

4/16  Noon. My face started to feel warm with flushing.  I thought it was just the weather.

Midnight.  Came down with a headache.  So was my gum.  Don’t underestimate the power of chemo.  I called the hospital, and they instructed me to talk to my primary care physician.  I went back to bed.  The psalm I read that morning and the song I sang that night came to mind.  

“A river flows to the glorious life

Praise that wonderful glorious holy name

My soul will sing

until my spirit rejoice

The Spirit of the Lord rules.” 

I was reminded that I am a city of God.  I shall rejoice because God dwells within.  His rescue shall surely come at the break of day.  It was in these thoughts that I felt asleep. 

My gum began to bleed in the morning, and I could feel my face had swollen up down to the chin.  Praise God I was able to see Dr. Dutia.  She said the headache came from the anti-emetic (Ondansetron).  So I stopped it. I am thankful that without it, I am OK, no neusia.  The facial flushing was the result of an allergic reaction to the chemo drug Paclitaxel - a rare reaction to most.  

She gave me a prescription for the allergy and said, “Please keep on praying.”

 

The flushing got betting already at night.  I knew it would get better.  God told me so. 

Oh God, let my soul sing to you.  

I will keep on singing till I rejoice in my spirit.

May your promises come early.

May I see the break of day soon.

 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Today, has been listening the great hymn "The Holy City" more than 10 times.  

Hosanna, to the Highest, Hosanna for ever more 

tomorrow 4/20 blood draw

4/22 2nd chemo treatment

A New Job

過去的幾個禮拜，給大家的消息都很嚴肅， 其實，生命中有許多事可以看到樂趣。例如，我作天去裝port前， 為了容易打理， 就自行把從心臟開刀後留到現在的頭髮一下剪了5 寸。長髮為心留短髮為癌剪。好看嗎！！！

今天開始化療要大量飲水。

剛想吃早餐，護士來電啦，好多也要記。

感覺轉了份工作，就是與癌對抗這份暫時的全職業務，一個禮拜上班一天， 其他就Work from Home. 今天是第一天上班。我會交個亮麗成績給大老闆 (我的主)的。 現在又要去飲水啦。看看我那兩小辮子呀。

Life should be full of fun. I cut my long hair yesterday, and Simon took a picture, so to call it, "before Chemo" I look pretty good at age of 68.

Start drinking lots of water today, then nurse called, lots things to remember. Feeling like having a new temp work, one day work in office per week, then work from home for the rest. Today will be my first day. With the help and the hands of God, my boss will give me a good evaluation. Need to go to drink water now.

我選擇敬拜 I choose worship

Yesterday was a day I had emotional moments , feeling down when I think of all the risks I have to face compare with other cancer patients, (will the chemo medication affect my heart which is persistently in AFib and A Flutter, I am  triple negative, no treatment to prevent the return of the cancer for 5 years... etc). 


I wrote to my heart surgeon asking about the risks concerns, Is my heart strong enough for all the 18 weeks, non stop chemo? Will I died on the surgery table after the chemo?


He was so kind and wrote back immediately, telling me that it was the worst case scenarios worried me. .


And yesterday, I also received a card just in time from Mrs. Ruth Finley, mentioned "never doubt in dark to those things God taught us in light". That helped me to count my life blessings and came out from the emotions.



last night before bed, after our singing time with Simon, I told the Lord:



Lord, I choose worship .
I choose to tell you all my anxiety and uneasiness.
I pour them out to you completely
until I can worship you, praise and bless your name,
and be still and know you're God.
Because you my king.


我選擇敬拜
主啊，

我選擇把任何不安感覺，焦虑心情透過告訴你，傾瀉給你，

直到我能敬拜你，稱謝你，尊崇你，知道你是神。
因為你是我的安息之所。

主，你就是我心中的王。 (inspired by teaching of Dr. Ho Kit)