May 18-26 Update + Prayer Request

From Ernest (Esther's Son)

Mom has not been feeling well and therefore not updating her blog for a while.  Tonight, she asked me to write her blog to provide an update and requesting for prayers.

Since her last blog, there has been many changes in her condition.  Many things to give thanks but also many things to pray for.

May 18th
Her doctor has accidentally scheduled an ultrasound for her a week ahead of schedule.  Normally an ultrasound is scheduled after the 6th chemo treatment to confirm the size of the tumor.  For some reason, her doctor was confused and scheduled it at the 5th week instead.  The ultrasound results were very encouraging - her tumors in the lymph nodes have gone completely, and her tumor in her breast has reduced from 2.4cm to 0.9cm.  This was after 5 weeks of treatment.  Mom was over joyed with such result and asked the doctor if she can terminate her chemotherapy early.  Her doctor suggested to continue for 3 more weeks, but due to her heart condition, the head of the department allowed her to stop the chemotherapy completely.  Mom said: "I can not find right words to express my thankfulness to Lord."   Mom made a decision to end the chemotherapy.  Praise the Lord for he is amazing, not only did the tumor reduced in size dramatically, but also letting mom know by "scheduling" an early ultrasound.

May 21st
Mom was experiencing rapid heart rate and dizziness.  Whenever she gets up or walk around, her heart would race and she will be light headed and nausea.  At times, her heart rate was around 180.  Dad took her to the ER around 5 and she was diagnosed with SVT - Supra-ventricular Tachycardia.   This is likely to be caused by the chemotherapy medications.  At a point, the ER doctor decided to give her medications to stop the heart completely and then restart it using defibrillator.  This was a risky procedure.  By God's grace, Mom's heart rate slowed down right before the medication and blood test came back indicating she was low in Magnesium.  After injecting Magnesium and another medication to lower her heart rate, she was discharged to go home.  Once again, God's timing was just perfect to avoid unnecessary and dangerous treatment.

May 23rd
Mom was again experiencing the same rapid heart rate and dizziness.  Except this time the dizziness was more severe and she can barely get out of bed.  We brought her to ER again.  This time, they gave her a different medication to slow down her heart rate and admitted her to the hospital for monitoring.  Since then, Mom has been in the hospital.  Her heart rate is around 80's with the help of medications.  However, it still fluctuates between 50's to 150's once in a while, making her uncomfortable.

May 26th (today)
Today, Mom is doing about the same as yesterday.  As I called Dad in the afternoon, they were ready to be discharged and go home at 3pm.  At 1pm, Mom's heart rate dipped to about 38 for a moment and went back up to the 70's right after.  Because of that, Dr has decided medications alone is not enough to stabilize her heart rate within a desire range.  They have decided to implant a pacemaker for her tomorrow.

Surgeries are targeted at noon during lunch, and there will be two surgeries:
#1 - to remove the port used during Chemotherapy for it is no longer needed.
#2 - at the same location, implant a single chamber pacemaker to facilitate her heart when rates drop below average.

Tonight, they have removed the new medication which was introduced yesterday for it might lower the heart rate during her sleep.  For that, Mom's heart rate has gone back up a bit and she's not too comfortable.

Please continue to uphold Mom in your prayers.  First of all, praise God for all his protection and timing.  As time progress, we can see God's hand guiding her in every single event.  His timing is perfect.  Please pray that Mom and Dad has a good night sleep tonight at the hospital and are well rested up for the surgery.  Please pray for the availability of a time and medical team to perform the surgery since it was only decided promptly today.  At the time of surgery, pray that everything is smooth and go according to plan.  Please also pray for a quick healing of her wounds and a fast recovery.

Please continue to pray for her cancer condition.  If God is willing, Mom would like to avoid cancer surgery completely if future ultrasound shows shrinkage even without chemotherapy.

In Him,

Ernest

Weekly Prayer May 11-17

I am so thankful for the  weekly prayer my church (Logos Baptist Church) Pastors and leaders writing up prayers to cover and support me.  Here's for May 11-17.  What a blessing that I can have , Lord, your love is so deep, It brought me to my knees to thank you.

Dear Heavenly Father,
 We come to you on behalf of Esther Fan and her family.  We trust Your love
 and care for them.  We repent for our own sins and ask for forgiveness,
 knowing the blood of Jesus will wash our sins away as You promised in
 the Bible.

 We stand together cleansed by Your blood, thankful for
 Your promise in James chapter 5 verses 13-15 that if anyone is sick, it
 is Your will that the church family (leadership) will come together to
 pray over him and anoint him with oil, and the prayer of FAITH will SAVE
 the sick.  By faith, we thank You for Your promise.  We declare that
 our prayer of FAITH will SAVE Esther, and  You the Lord will raise her
 up and heal her of cancer, pain, any discomfort and anything that comes
 from the enemy.

 We thank You of the heavenly hosts, encamping in  their home ministering
 to their needs, that You are the Prince of Peace in their midst. You say
 in the Bible that Your son Jesus had come, that we, your children,
 may have life, and that we may have it more abundantly (John 10:10).
 We know that sickness and disease do not come from You and it is Your
 will that Esther live abundantly without sickness, pain or disease.
 For it is written 'to God all things are  possible'.
 We therefore stretch out our hands to Esther, a we stand
 together in FAITH with the family, declare and receive Your promises of
 Your healing and restoration.

 We speak to Esther's body:  cancer cells go away in the Name of Jesus,
 pains go away in the Name of Jesus.  We call all abnormalities in her body
 to heal with the Word of God,  that 'By Jesus stripes, Esther is healed'.
 We call for healing in the natural as You promised in the word. We give You
 thanks for guiding  the doctors with wisdom and sound decisions when Esther
 returns to see  the doctor.  We give You thanks for Your
 omnipresence and endless LOVE and care over Esther.  For You are her
 STRENGTH and PEACE in all situations.

 We pray this in the powerful Name of Jesus, the Name above all names, Amen

有朋自遠方來

5/12 禮拜二次，第五週化療的前一天， 來自香港，中學同班，坐在我後面的同學Amy，和她妹妹Doris來看我, 這是她給我們同學們的探病報導，轉載如下:-

“前天我與張秀明約好時間，今午我和Doris 去探望她。因她明天要做第五次化療，不能有任何感染。她事前列出好多見面的條件，例如我們不能有喉嚨痛，流鼻涕，咳嗽，發燒等等。她說連她的兒子和孫子也祗能在窗外探望她。雖然我知道自己是healthy，但也不希望有任何差池，影響到她的化療，我堅持只在窗外看她，用手機與她傾談十五分鐘就離開。𣎴會防礙她休息。

她家距離Doris家約25分鐘車程。當我們抵埗後，她堅決要我們進屋交談。我們也只好順着她意，距離她約六呎的梳化坐下來傾談。范牧師陪伴在側。本來她要午睡的，結果卻談了一個半小時，超出預算六倍。

秀明的精神還不錯。祗是瘦了㸃。她戴了一頂義工做的紅帽子。是范牧師替她挑選的。我說我們是代表所有同學前來問候她。各人都很掛念她。希望她安心養病，早日恢復健康。她請我代她多謝大家的關心。

她很詳細的告訴我發病的經過。我們又暢談讀書時的趣事。大家似是有談不完的話題。喋喋不休。真的希望時間可以停頓下來，好讓我們繼續傾談下去。奈何她需要休息，為明天作好準備。我們無奈的要向她話別。臨行前，我要求看張秉淵送給她的背心。她剛放了入洗衣機準備清洗。她請范牧師撈出來給我們看。那是一件全用摩術貼代替夾縫和鈕扣的背心。方便做了手術的病人穿著。很合她意。”

Amy替我和她起了個外號，叫‘逃學雙鳳’。事因當年我們二人每個禮拜二都要到柏立基健康院去看醫生。總是走了生物老師的課，許多試題就答非所問了。 我記得當時幸好老師讓我去她家中補考她給了我60分局。剛剛合格。

Amy提到的張秉淵同學有一義工服務，就是替乳癌手術病人縫紉手術後的內衣，她已免費做了五百多件送給人。一知道我病了，就替我做了一件，從德州寄來，還訂了名貴梨給我吃。謝謝。現在，我每次化療都穿著，就非常方便下藥。

很感謝神，在病中能有如此恩典被愛被關心。謝謝大家。

母親節快樂

一早收到兒子雋恩email 他作曲填詞自唱的母親節歌。"媽， 祝您母親節快樂！  將讚頌妳這歌更新了。送給你。 等你好番再請你食飯！"

我請人把之放上yutube，(他說，詞可放,但他的聲音就不要,故我使了橫手。今早5/11，起來時聖靈提醒，我這樣做是不尊重他，即使是兒子也不能如此。為此向他道歉說要dele 。謝謝兒子說了: It's all good.  I don't have any bad feeling at all。 這是個我要學習的功課。想起過去雋恩在崇拜中和范牧師配搭司琴的時光，全都是神的恩典。謝謝兒媳送的母親節心意禮物，還有化療帽。

過去的母親節親總是一家人同吃飯， 由我這做母親的來挑餐廳，我總會去些平時較少去的異國風情餐廳，例如一年去阿富汗，一年希臘菜，一年土耳其。感謝神，今天心境欣慰，可以有胃口，放肆一下吃燒肉切雞飯，又飲了Betty姊妹煮的眉豆唧魚湯。謝謝Betty。

借歌傳心，在此祝大家母親節快樂！！！

讚頌妳

誰會於每天每日時常為你將暖意送

盡全力維護你不怕累

誰會於每天每日時常為你健康祝禱

縱做錯事也會得寬恕

妳的聲音 存著勉勵

危難裡有妳的保護

縱使身心  極困倦

仍願照顧我一生

一心讚頌妳

讚頌妳將生命賜予獻給我

讚頌妳

讚頌妳將經上智慧教給我

我的母親

而這天母親已是年華漸遠轉眼老去

花半生來讓你得快樂

仍會於每刻照料如常為你平安擔憂

永沒間斷去替你禱告

妳的聲音 存著勉勵

危難裡有妳的保護

縱使身心  極困倦

仍願照顧我一生

一心讚頌妳
讚頌妳將生命賜予獻給我

讚頌妳

讚頌妳將經上智慧教給我

願明日能伴著妳

願能時常用這歌聲

讚頌妳

新髮型 New style

前幾天開始發現每次用手摸頭就總有一小簇頭髮脫落在手上，哈，終於來啦。為了不讓這些離家出走後的份子把我的衣領弄得亂七八糟，今早用一絲巾，花了許多功夫，成功了個新髮型！！！

尚未清光 ！！！還好。認得我嗎

Began to notice every time I comb the hair, always lots of hair leaving their sweet home, try to reach out the world.  In order not to let it became mass, this morning, spent time try a new style, here it is.  Looks nice ::))

Esther

過山車 Rooler Coaster

過去一個禮拜如坐過山車。

4月27號禮拜一, 興高彩列地慶祝滿月，和中學同學Skype， 過後胃口奇好，完全沒有化療不想吃的那種感覺。

4月28號禮拜二。下午時候醫院打電話來說因為我的白血球過低，要暫停次日的化療。心中很開心可以休息。怎料，兩個小時候，醫院又再來電說醫生說可以做。心情一下由高處跌下來，和醫生討價還價後，準備接受原定的化療。晚上吃完飯後，在廚房就被電線拌到。跌倒在地時聽到左邊面好像“拍”的聲音。。由於我有心律不整的心房震動問題，故此服用薄血藥，打電話給是醫生的黃天賜師母。她認為我應該沒有什麼大礙，我就回到床上休息和感謝。                                                                                                                      

當晚和范牧師唱的歌是活在生命的光中，是詩篇56篇第13節的話語。所以唱時，就再讀這經文，發現神已經告訴我:"因為你救我的命脫離死亡，你豈不是救護我的腳不跌倒，使我在生命光中行走在神面前嗎”。我心裏面非常感恩，原來神早已知道我會跌倒，他會救我，所以就安然入睡。

入睡前心中再一次感謝神，這時候，一個意念和畫面出現。我仿似看見主耶穌張開祂的手側躺在我身旁，而我的面其實是跌在祂的手裡。我恍然大悟，為什麼即使我聽到拍一下的聲音，但面部沒有腫，完全沒有瘀青。原來我是跌在神的手中。

突然之間，記起小時一件事。小學時，上自然堂，做實驗，把小燈泡用電線連著電心的正負兩極，燈泡就會發亮，我就經常拿着小燈泡，這裏照照那裏照照。電用完了，我就妙想天開、自作聰明地，爬上張凳，站在那裏，把房中天花上的電燈泡除下來，然後將電池，想插進去充電。當我把手舉高的想插的時候，突然間我的右手前臂被狠狠地打了一下，‘拍‘的一聲把我的手和電心打下來。我定一定神才知道我剛才的動作是這麼危險。奇怪的是，當時房間裏只有我一個人，完全沒有其他人在，但右前臂的痛是實在的，’拍‘的那下聲音也是實在的。長大之後我知道是神差派天使保護我。今天晚上的跌倒我知道神再一次成就他對我的保證，是他自己親自搭救我。感謝主是。 

4月29號星期三。接受化療的時候，有藥劑師過來告訴我由於白血球過低故要打白血球加強劑事，及我應當留意的事。回家後看到關於白血球加強劑的副作用有骨痛、出血等。一下子，童年時候，自八歲開始身體經常受風濕關節發炎，許多時候因為疼痛不能行路而要躺在床上兩個多禮拜，最終導致兩次心臟心包發炎，加上從小就牙床出血、兩次莫名地流血不止的事件，一種驚惶失措懼怕的感覺、排山倒海般出現。內心極度不安，想起來讚美敬拜都沒有力量。

這時我想起我不是有150多位代禱者嗎，我自己不能獨自承擔這懼怕，我需要代禱的支持。於是我就發出特別代禱要求。發出後我自己安靜在神前，我問:"主阿我到底怎麼樣了，為什麼這樣差勁喎“。這時候聖靈光照我，第一:我是何等善忘的一個人。神不是多次地對我說他是我的盾牌嗎，這麼快就忘記了。4月29號那天早上的詩篇讀經五十九點十一節上帝已經提醒我。經文說"不要殺他們，恐怕我的民忘記，主阿你是我們的盾牌。求你用你的能力是他們四散，且降為卑”。接着，聖靈又光照我，我不但善忘，而且小信。范牧師提醒我，我對化療醫生的安排有懷疑，這樣的態度對她來說是一種的得罪，因為不信任。范牧師的提醒讓我知道，我在神面前的小信，其實就是一種罪，是一種得罪神的心態。我立刻求主赦免我的罪，我再次對主說，主啊我選擇相信，我選擇信靠和選擇立在你的應許上。認罪禱告完畢。說不出來的平安就在內心裏悠然生出。我知道上帝赦免了我。當天晚上，我默想默想希伯來書第四章在施恩坐前得憐恤恩惠的隨時幫助，我懇求主用他的恩惠和憐憫的繩索牢牢地把我綁在施恩坐前。

4月30日星期四。心境大好。開開心心地到醫院接受加強劑。感謝主， 完全沒有副作用。

謝謝弟兄姊妹們的立時禱告把我托住在。禱告的力量真不簡單。

作天是五月二號，你猜神說甚麼嗎，"神說了一次兩次，我都聽見了，就是能力到屬乎神主啊是的慈愛也屬於你“ 哈利路亞。

Last week I was like riding a roller coaster.

4/27 Monday:

I was so happy to celebrate the one month being a cancer patient by chatting with my high school friends on Skype. I also had a good appetite and didn’t feel anything bad after my chemo.

4/28 Tuesday:

Got a call from the hospital saying my WBC was too low. So have to stop my chemo schecule on 4/29. I was more than happy because I could take a break. Unfortunately 2 hours afterwards, they called again saying my doctor confirmed I was OK to continue my chemo. I was like thrown back to valley . After some negotiations with the doctor, I was ready to take another chemo. However, after dinner, I was tripped by a power cord in the kitchen. I remember when I fell, I heard a “Pap” sound on my left face. I am actually taking blood thinning medicine due to my AFib problem. So called Mrs. Wong, who is a doctor. She believed I should be OK. I returned to bed and thank God. 

That night my husband and I were singing a song of Psalm 56:16. When we sang, we read the passage again and found God had already told me in the passage, “For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.” I was deeply thankful to God because He knew I would fall and that He would save me. I went to bed in peace.  

Before sleeping I thank God once again. Then there was a picture in my mind. I seemed seeing Jesus lying by my side with his hand open. My face actually fell into his palm! Now it made sense to me of what had happened. That’s why I heard a “Pap” sound when I fell but my face was not bruised: I actually fell into his hand!

Suddenly I recall an incident in my childhood. When I was in my Elementary School, there was anexperiment in the class of natural science. When a light bulb was connected to the positive and negative poles of a battery, it would glow. I found it so fun and played with the light bulb around at home. Soon the battery was gone. I thought I was smart and climbed up the chair to take down the light bulb of the pendant light, trying to plug the battery into the socket to charge up. All of a sudden somebody hit my right arm and the battery felt on the ground. Suddenly I realized I was in great danger. But the odd thing about it was only me was in the room and there was nobody else. However, I felt pain in my arm and the “Pap” sound was so real. After I grew up, I knew it was God sending His angel to protect me. My accident tonight was God’s pledge to me again that He would save me. Thank God again! 

4/29 Wednesday:

When I was undergoing chemo, a pharmacist came and told me I should receive a booster medication to improve my WBC. She also  mentioned some of the side effects to me  like pains in the bones, bleeding, etc. I suddenly recalled the unpleasant memories of childhood when I started to have rheumatoid arthritis since I was 8. It was so painful that sometimes I had to lie on bed for two weeks, finally causing my heart infections. I also had bleeding gums and there were to occasions when bleeding did not stop. My fear burst and I had a great unrest. I was so weak to even praise the Lord. 

I was reminded that  I have 150 people interceding for me. I found I could not face this problem alone and should seek intercessions. I therefore send out my intercession request. After sending, I calm down myself before God. I asked, “God, what’s wrong with me? How come I been so weak .” Then the Holy Spirit lightened me, “How come you are so forgetful? Has He reminded you many times He was your shield? How come you are so forgetful?” On 4/29, He reminded me through Psalm 59:11,“Kill them not, lest my people forget; make them totter by your power and bring them down, O Lord, our shield!”Then the Holy Spirit lightened me again, not only was I forgetful, but I also had little faith. My husband reminded me I did not trust the doctor’s chemo arrangement. This actually could be an offend to her because I didn’t trust  her. I was reminded then it is a sin if I don’t have faith in Him. I immediately asked God to forgive my sins. I said to Him, “God, I choose to trust. I choose to rely on you and plant my feet in your promise. After my confession,  peace creep in me which transcends all understanding. I knew God has forgiven me. I asked for his rope of of grace and mercy to tie me tightly to His throne. 

4/30 Thursday:
The joy returned to me. I went to the hospital with joy to get the booster shot. Thank God, there were no side effects. 

Thanks for all brothers and sisters supporting me with prayers. The power of prayers is beyond our perception. 

Yesterday is 5/2. What do you think God has told me? “Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God, and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.” (Psalm 62:11, 12a) Hallelujah!