輕和重 Tony

Tony弟兄是一位患了胃癌的初信者，主日崇拜時， 經常和我坐在同一排凳。他很堅持和堅強地自己開車來敬拜。很多次是停好車後，要在車裡坐上20-30 分鐘，舒緩疼痛後才入來。 最近的幾個禮拜，因住院和痛楚加劇未能和弟兄姊妹一同崇拜。

上主日(8/23 )教會有特別的音樂見證會， 我們為他能邀請他的岳父岳母來聽見證禱告，也知道最大關鍵在乎他的體力能否支持。

他來了，先出現的是他妻子，岳父母，緊接的還有他女兒，和Tony的大哥大嫂！！！

牧師邀請凡有進天堂確據的人站立時，他堅定地從輪椅上站起來，立在那兒 ！ 我心大大激動。

是的，他是承受著身體很大的疼痛，把家人帶到主前， 讓他們有機會去認識和遇見神。這件事，神豈不記念?

他瘦了，原本個子不高的他，從輪椅上站在那時，猶顯瘦弱；但， 不知怎的，看在眼內留在心的，卻是一個有重量的偉大身影。

Tony is a new believer. He has  stomach cancer. Always sit together with me in the same pew during Sunday services.  He has been coming to church very faithfully,  usually it would take him 20-30 minutes  after parking before he can manage to walk into the Sanctuary due to the pain. Last few weeks, Tony did not show up being medical procefures and  sharp pains.

Last Sunday, 8/23 ,was a special musical outreach Sunday, he would like to invite his in laws to listen to the testimony, we have been praying and know the critical issue is his physical situation.

He came.  First appeared was his wife, her parents, then his daughter, and also his oldest brother and sister-in-law.

When Pastor David asked whoever has the assurance to enter heaven, Tony raised up from wheel chair, firmly standing there, such a thrilling.

Yeah, he is bearing great pain in order to bring family to meet with God.  Will God not remember it ?

He lost weight, looks very weak when he was standing up from wheel chair; somehow, it became a weighty and strong figure in heart.

走着瞧 Let's Go And See

7月14號去見腫瘤科醫生，她表示她其實是非常擔心我在化療後兩個月才接受手術，(我想可能因為腫瘤一般會在停止化療後會生長，)但我手術後的報告顯示腫瘤繼續縮小，故此她很開心。

我告訴她說，我明白她的憂慮，但我很放心，因為這個日期是神替我揀的，不是我自己推遲的。她說你有的禱告很有用，要繼續有。現在回想，神把我的手術時間推遲了一個多月，可能就是要讓她曉得我所信的神是一位奇妙聽禱告的神。

腫瘤醫生要我去見電療醫生，也很坦白地對我說，我的情況，大多數會在兩年內復發。（大約百分之80的乳腺癌患者，可以在治療後繼續接受荷爾蒙療法，服藥五年來防止癌症的復發，但我屬於那20%沒有荷爾蒙療法受體者，故此就很可能兩年內復發。）

聽到這個消息，我心中反覆思量，如果兩年要復發，那麼我是否需要再去接受電療呢。因為目前我已經有輕微的淋巴水腫，再去接受淋巴部位的電療。就會惡化淋巴水腫的情況。

7月18號，PI前會長歐師母寄來問候卡，問我見腫瘤醫生的情況如何。我用電郵回覆她，跟着她有電郵來說，我的癌症會在兩年內復發，她覺得很失望。當我回她的電郵時，突然之間聖靈提醒我一件事。

17歲那年，心臟因細菌感染而發炎，醫生說我可能活不過30歲。這件事我整個教會都知道。事實上，我今年已經68。所以有一次賴木森牧師從星加坡打電話來：「Esther ,褚永華牧師要我轉告你，醫生說你只有30歲命，但你現在已經賺咗一倍啦。」

這是祂對我心的提醒和安慰，大大感謝讚美主！

神啊，腫瘤醫生說我的癌腫會在兩年內回來，我可要和彌走着瞧！

See the oncologist on July 14, who expressed that she was very happy with the  pathology report that the mask continue to  shrink, because  she was worried (that the tumor would grow) since the surgery was scheduled more than 2 months after the chemo .

I told her that I understood her concerns, but I felt peace, because the surgery date changed from June 12 to July 16 was scheduled by God, not me. She said that the prayers I have are good and ask me to continue have the prayers. Looking back now, God delayed my surgery  probably to let her know the God I believe is a wonderful mighty God that  hears prayer.

Then she encouraged me to  continue with the radiation treatment and frankly told me with my situation, that the cancer will return in two years time. (Approximately, after treatment, 80% of breast cancer patients can continue with 5 years' hormone therapy to prevent the recurrence , but I belong to the 20%, for I don't have the receptor, I am a triple negative ).

Since last Friday, I have been pondering upon whether I should receive the radiation treatment .  Because was diagnosed with mild  lymphedema, the radiation on the surgery area surely will worsen lymphedema.

July 18, I received a get well card from Mrs. Ruth Finley, who asked about my meeting with oncologist, upon knowing that the cancer probably will return in 2 years, she emailed back that even she felt disappointed but will continue to remember me.  While reading her email, I suddenly be reminded that when I had the rheumatic heart infection at age 17, somehow, the doctor told me/my mom that I could only live until 30.  And that's known to the whole Redcliff church, the fact is now I am 68 ::))  more than double.

My heart rejoice in Him upon remember this.  PTL for comforting me with His faithfulness and I trust He will do it again.

Lord, the oncologist said that the cancer will return in two years time, Let's go and see !!!

Lord, the oncologist said that the cancer will return in two years time, Let's go and see !!!

心臟開刀三周年

三年前的今天，8月13日，我接受了心臟手術。今天剛剛是三周年。四個禮拜前的今天，我也接受了右乳和腋下淋巴摘除手術。所以今天是一個特別的日子。

一路走來，雖然有驚險，但有神跡，有沮喪自憐，也有信靠的學習，偶爾又會泛起一些疑問，總的來說，心情是平安和覺得蒙愛和受保護的。所經歷過的，常常會催促我到神面前醒查自己內裡的情況，有些東西會被潔淨，有些會沉澱下來；故此，一切都值得感恩。

這次手術的康復來得比預期的慢， 我在學習忍耐的功課；今早收到王其昌牧師師母的來言鼓勵， 他說: 忍耐是 "waiting in faith for a better outcome from God than what we wish for". Hang in there. 
 是的，不但Hang in， 更要趁此機會與主共盪鞦韆：)

To day is a special day, Aug 13 2012, 3 years ago, I went thru an intensive heart surgery;  4 weeks ago, I had the modified radical mastectomy.

In all these days, there were miracles for risky moments; feeling down, self pity, depressed and faith learning moments.  Overall, I have great peace, felt protected and beloved by God and by friends.  What I experienced drove me to examine the inner situation, then there are moments of being cleansed, and some treasure will be sinking; in one word, all happened to me worthy to be thankful.

The recovery process of the mastectomy is slower than expected, so being patient is something I am learning, this morning, received an encouraging email from Rev. and Mrs. Johnny Wang, he wrote:

Dear Esther,

My understanding of "Patience" is "waiting in faith for a better outcome from God than what we wish for". Hang in there.

Yes, I will take this opportunity not only hanging there, but try to swing with my Lord.

病人和護士 Patient and Nurse

「Esther ,我去後院一下。」

「Esther ,我回來了。」

「Esther，想吃什麼？」

這次生病，范牧師把我照顧得無微不至。手術後第二天，護士見到范牧師對我的悉心照料，問范牧師：「你們結婚多久了？」牧師說:41年了。

「41年！你們是怎樣維持的，你們常有吵架的時候嗎？」我和范牧師都笑了。

我對她說：「我們剛剛結婚的頭幾年，常有爭吵。每一次，我總是要贏，否則就是冷戰。起初還以為自己很了不起，因為對方主動和好認不是。後來聽到教會張子華牧師一次對於婚姻的教導，他說，在夫妻爭吵中，假如有一方總是要贏，這就表示要贏的那方還未成熟，仍留在一個孩子的心態；因為只有孩子，才會在爭吵或要得某些東西時，不能輸，否則就會鬧個不休地得到為止。我這才恍然大悟，原來和丈夫爭吵時一定要贏，其實是一個不成熟的表現。我開始學習認低威和不是。我想是我倆二人能夠維持41年婚姻的其中一個原因。」

護士聽後覺得對她有很大的幫助，立刻我們的關係和互動就從病人和護士變成了好像認識了許久，無話不談的朋友那樣。 

"Esther, I am going to back yard"

"Esther, I am home,"

"Esther, what do you want to eat for lunch ?"

Since I am sick, Simon took such great care of me.

The day after surgery, the nurse saw how Simon took such good care of me, and asked, "How long have you been married?"

Simon said, "41 years"

"41 years! How you maintain, did you often quarrel ?"  Both Simon and I laughed .
I said to her: "During the first few years of marriage, we quarrel a lots, and I always want to win, otherwise will start the cold war. At first I felt good about it, not until I heard the teaching from my church pastor Fred Cheung's taught about marriage. He said, when a couple had conflict, if one  always want to win, that means he or she still very childish, not mature enough; because only children will cry for what they want, not able to lose. Then I began to realize how childish I was and tried to change. For me, this is one of the reasons that  we are able to maintain the 41-year marriage. "
The nurse told us it was helpful to hear that sharing. and immediately our relationship and interaction changed from patient and nurse to friends.