2016，又一個充滿了神恩典的年歲！

2016，又一個充滿了神恩典的年歲！

危險有祂看著

·         9/28大樹的橫支折斷落在擺放車子的地方，車子沒有損壞。感謝神的保護。

·         11/2  房屋前院的煤氣喉管被建築工人不慎鑿破，煤氣把泥沙，如小噴泉般噴出，雖令人觸目驚心，至終蒙神看顧平安。感謝神的保護。

健康有祂保著

·         Esther的腫瘤醫生說可以六個月才需要撿查詢。感謝主保守到如今。

·         Esther 心包膜曾有積液，蒙主看顧已無大礙。感謝主的憐憫。

服侍有祂帶著

·         Esther 有機會与兩位姊妹一同跟隨Dr. David Eckman學習，一邊學下一邊把所學的帶領主日學。得到很大益處。感謝父神的恩寵。

·         <宣教日引>、聖經遊蹤課程和晨曦戒毒事奉到得到主的使用。目前，<宣教日引>全球分發量已達到30,000本，得到香港短宣訓練中心和世界華福加拿大聯區成為發行夥伴；遊蹤課程續在香港、台灣、美國、中國、澳洲各地開課， 我們感恩。

·         好消息:上帝差派了魏一恒長老和師母二人來接任Esther。原職電子業的魏長老是圣荷西中華歸主教會的長老，提早退休服侍主，除了負責三藩市真光浸信會的牧者事奉，答允兼任萬民福音使團的主任，魏師母負責日常事務的運作。同時也得到在扶貧和工場培訓很有經驗的楊佩玲傳道，加入為發展聖經遊蹤課程的同工，亦得到藍惠娟姊妹替我們在灣區推廣分發<宣教日引>，和剛從Western神學院畢業的姚媛姊妹加入辦公室的團隊。感謝神的預備。

家庭有祂建立著 

 

范爾珩、范爾立、范爾軒三個相親相愛地爭吵的小孩，健康地在主恩中成長。

又有祝福

上個月才剛在博客向大家報告說最近身體氣色都好，立刻就發覺心跳異常。常覺得心跳的時候好像磨擦着一些東西，有時會有刺痛和酸疼，所以叫范牧師聽一聽心跳，他聽到了有雜音。

剛好心臟醫生放大假，所以由替我做手術的李醫生檢查，兩個可能:与四年前更換和修補的心瓣膜有關，或者是心包膜發炎。

我去到神面前，告訴祂，這次，我有害怕，希望不要在開刀。

感謝父神，心臟超聲影像檢查的結果，三個心瓣膜都運作正常，所以可能是心包膜發炎和積水。

不過，奇妙的是，刺痛和酸疼後來沒有了，為了防止我的心包裏邊會出血， 醫生要我停用薄血藥，我擔心沒有了薄血藥的防範，我中風的風險很高，怎麼辦。 李醫生告訴我，他在四年前替我做的左心耳封堵术手術，來減輕我因為房颤而有的中風危險，現在已有證明是可以代替薄血藥來防止中風。

Grace 姊妹上網查這手術， 發現這個手術在去年2015年6月的時候，才有醫療報告，說做了這個手術的人可以不用吃薄血藥，而他在四年前就替我做了。

我開心地停了薄血藥，開始享用深綠色菜蔬，然後發現心雜音每日減低。

兩個禮拜後， 心臟醫生回來， 他再撿查，雜音已很輕微，說不用擔心。但提議我還是得用回薄血藥， 因為這手術仍然很新， 需要再等多幾年底數據時才不用藥。換句話，我其實有雙重保護。

雖然還是要吃薄血藥， 但我大大感謝神，心中很踏實。

想起了去年神給的應許，耶和華的膀臂、巨大無比和無限地伸出來；會替我掃除一切的傷害。

這幾個禮拜，教會的主日學在學習經歷，神作為天父，祂是怎樣地為我們着想，接納我，永不令我失望，和定意要成全他給我的救恩。

上個禮拜，Simon 已經聽不到心雜音了。

謝謝父神接納我的小信和軟弱。

謝謝父神藉著聖靈提醒我祂是守約施慈愛的神。

放下英雄氣概

禮拜天，兒子問我，

“媽你是否肥了?“ 

過去的一段時間，許多見到我的人都說，"范師母，你的氣色很好。" 

是的，最近外出吃飯的次數多起來，體重已回升到化療之前的重量。

感謝父神。

由於這樣，加上父神在宣教日引和聖經遊蹤的服侍團隊上，增加義工；日常生活又開始忙碌起來。

九月份開始，心中經常浮現關於美國將會接收11萬難民這個消息。每想到這，心口就有種澎湃的情緒，常在想，我能做甚麼。萬民使團能做些甚麼.......

心中興奮地想着想着，這時，讀到章伯斯的<竭誠為主>，提到信徒的印記就是放棄自己主權、順服主耶穌。順服的過程很清楚，首先，是放下英雄氣概，接受聖靈敏銳的查察，在認罪中停下來：接着向神的話順服，在人際關係、心志和誠實上建立無可指摘的態度；這樣才能快樂單純無攔阻地獻上給神。

突然之間，放下英雄氣概，這幾個字非常突出。它們在問我:過去的服侍，有多少的所謂犧牲擺上是一種浪漫的英雄氣概意識，抑或是敏感於聖靈的帶領，每一個心思意念都是向着主。

聖靈在心中放下一個問號: 假如我的健康情況不是在好轉中，我仍處在各樣的軟弱、困境中，當我見到會有這麼多的穆斯林難民來到身旁，我的反應和願意擺上的，會有不同嗎。

這是個反省的開始。

週年

八月，特別的月份。

8月10號 :范牧師和我的結婚週年，

8月12號 :更換和修補三個心臟瓣膜心、另加搭橋手術和左心耳封堵手術的日子。

昨天晚上8月11日我們一家，和外甥女一家，又碰上老朋友郭朝南牧師師母從香港來美和兒媳慶祝週年，趁此機會一同晚飯。這真是一個難得的機會，一齊慶祝我們結婚42週年和心臟開刀四週年。

飯後，郭牧師問我記不記得他給我的一個電郵裏，有以下這句說話:

 “Esther, I have been  saving all your email news, so that I will be able to cerebrate with you when you fully recover later.”

謝謝主的恩典和提醒，只要我們留意， 回顧主的同行， 轉眼間，生命裡的磨練，都變成可慶祝的事了。

我的心呀，

你要稱頌耶和華

不可忘記他的一切恩惠。

他在佤邦21年

 7月10日，一個平凡的主日。今天的講員是在泰緬邊境的佤邦宣教21年的楊一哲牧師、師母(Eric and  Linda Yang)。

台上的楊牧師目光炯炯，大家都被他的赤誠、勇敢和忘我的服侍激勵，完全看不出他兩年前曾中風，當時他人在山上，沒辦法接受適當治療，導致現在一隻眼睛看不到；一隻耳聽不見，還有雙腳一直麻痛。

楊牧師是  OMF  宣教士。1995年，他在波士頓華人聖經教會的牧者——李秀全牧師鼓勵下，到佤邦宣教。自己也多次聽見神呼召他。開始時，他千方百計推遲拖廷，萬分不願放下在美國打拼多年才掙得的優渥生活，但神的呼召十分清晰，最終他願意順服神，毅然將豪宅、別墅，遊艇全變賣，與師母兩人前往泰緬邊境的深山宣教。

服侍的路不容易走，先不說深山環境多惡劣，他的福音對象不只目不識丁，甚至連自己的姓名、年齡都不知道。楊牧師必須一邊克服艱苦的生活，一邊費盡心思用創意和適合的方式與人分享福音。

那些年，楊牧師忠心地在深山奔波，也在埋了地雷的山路行走，甚至親眼看過他前面的車子被地雷炸毀。除此，瘧疾、內戰、刺客、翻車等危險，隨時都會發生。這些事情從沒讓他想過要打退堂鼓，他始終堅守神給他的異像，把福音帶給貧窮、落後、從未聽過福音的佤族。

21年後，原本過著原始農業生活、還保留著恐怖的獵頭習俗、幾乎所有人都是文盲的佤族，如今已有好幾萬人聽聞福音；幾千人受洗歸主。去年，他們更蓋了教會，差派了第一對宣教士，並計劃還要差派10對宣教士向周圍族群傳福音。

楊牧師已68歲，他的体力嚴重下降，加上曾中風，已不容許他繼續留在高山服侍。兩年前，楊牧師開始栽培接班人，把棒交給當地同工。正當他準備要更換跑道，到別處傳福音之際，豈知……

那天主日結束後，楊牧師突然在教會停車場暈倒，送院後搶救無效，最後安息主懷。大家心情都很沈重，我們從一起流淚迫切為楊牧師禱告，到後來為他對神至死忠心的生命，與及神藉著他所成就的美事獻上感恩。

我很可能是最後和楊牧師談話的人。那天他暈倒前，我們談到20年多前他如何偷渡進入緬北及一些往事。雖然他突然離去，我心中很不捨，但他在我和許多弟兄姐妹心中卻種下了美好的種籽，我們會永遠記住他臨走前鼓勵我們：傳福音就是為主作見證；也會效法他全然為主擺上的生命，跟隨他的腳步，因為他跟我們說：「回應福音需要的人仍不多...... 」

昨天想起這事，心情仍然複雜，我對主說: 「你知我們，特別是楊師母，很愛他......」然而， 主柔聲說：「我更愛他。」我的心深深被安慰。

請閱讀楊一哲牧師的感人故事

 http://www.laijohn.com

有驚無險 Nearly Missed

5/31禮拜二晚上和弟兄姊妹一同吃晚飯，期間大家分享信主的過程，我提到范牧師在年輕時因打單杠在夏令會跌下來昏迷了一整夜，但沒有送醫院，醒來後知道是神拯救了他，開始跟隨主。我也提到我曾經先後有兩次頭部受傷昏迷，第一次還口吐白沫，但沒有送醫院，只被團友送回教會，由早上十點到下午三時，躺在那裏自動醒來。

這些都是生死攸關的經歷，昨晚6/1入睡的時候，腦海又記起小時候曾經被人緊急送往診所，診所的人還說我染上了白喉。還有一次注射完了每月一次的長效盤尼西林後，因反應送急症。

一時之間萬般感觸，為什麼我從小就有這麼的這麼多的生命危險，健康折磨 ，開始睡不着覺了。

因為睡不着覺，做起來看<基督徒生命中的四大經歷>，當中有一段說到:

"而我始終感到有雙無形的眼睛在看顧我，保護我不受傷害。我是蒙愛和被疼的，我從出胎，神就已經認識我，看見我，為什麼允許那麼多的生命驚險鏡頭臨到我，我不知道。我只知道一件事：他愛我和關照、保護我不致受傷害。(每次都是有驚無險！！)我過去、現在、將來都永遠是他所寵愛的。"

神的話語立時臨到，再次經歷到一個父親用眼目慈愛關注我，在被欺負忽略的艱難時期，神的眼目從來沒有離開過。

過去兩個月其實有許多大大小小的事想和大家分享，可能太多了，始終拿不定要寫些什麼。今天就記下昨天神對我的愛。

5/31 Tuesday evening  dinner with church brothers and sisters, some of us shared how we became a Christian. I mentioned Simon came to seek the Lord due to an accident fell from a horizontal bar in a church youth retreat， and became unconscious all night (without being sent to hospital), woke up and knew God saved him，then began to follow the Lord.

I also mentioned that I had two serious head injury, both unconscious, the first one in result of mouth foaming, again did not send the hospital, only to be returned to the church, laid there from morning 10 am to  3:00 pm, then went home by myself. These are serious life and death accidents.

Last night, 6/1, I recalled one more thing, which made me became emotional : as a child may be 10 years old, some one rushed me to the clinic which suspected I was infected with diphtheria. All these causing me have deep fear toward any sickness.

Being not able to sleep, I got up to read <Knowing the Heart of the Father, David Eckman>, and I read the following:

Even though, I always see the invisible eyes watch over me and protect me from harm. I was beloved and valued, from the first day I was born, He know me, see me.  Even thought I might now know  why He allowed so many lives breathtaking shots came to me, I only know one thing: He loves, cares and, protects, He will not allow anything to hurt me. (Enemies's atttacks actually missed every time !!) my past, present and future are always be his favorite.

God is wonderful, again and immediately, when I need Him, he came to me , comforting me that I am beloved with His smiling face.  I returned to bed with great comfort.

Lots things worthy to share from the last two month, I choose the latest one to share.

卻顧所來徑 The Path Taken

今天是復活節， 3月27號。

三月26日早上收到一個復活節默想圖像，( 坎特伯雷大教堂（Canterbury Cathedral）十三世紀的彩色玻璃鑲嵌畫)。畫像的中心是基督的復活，被四個舊約故事包圍着，第一個是約拿被大魚吐出，第二幅是大衛得到米甲幫助逃離掃羅王的追殺，第三幅是曠野牧羊的摩西，和第四幅挪亞放出鴿子。這些舊約的故事人物都有一個共同點，就是在困局得到自由。無論是洪水、魚肚、死亡威脅或活在後悔中，復活的基督都是這些困境的出路。感謝主。

主復活的信息明顯有一個主題 : 人生路上，有許多困境，我們被困當中好像沒有出路。只有復活的主，在我們的困局中向我們顯現，帶來盼望，出路，拯救，自由、平安和喜樂。

只是許多時候我們認不出是他。

一年前的3月27號我確診有癌症；受難節崇拜後，教會弟兄姊妹聚集一同為我禱告交托神。那天晚上的的崇拜結束是一句很有盼望的宣告，"Sunday Is Coming"。

帶着這個盼望，我開始一個旅途，途中有不少的軟弱、焦慮、懼怕、和自憐；感激的是，我被弟兄姊妹的關心和愛所圍繞著；而主在我的軟弱上，祂的手一直在拖帶著。

在朋友的鼓勵下，我開始寫部落格，名叫<祂為我編寫的路>。一年下來我發現，除了生活飲食作出改變，最要緊是看到自己卑劣偽善的一面，讓我學習心靈反省來騰出空間給神可以重新塑造。一路上驚訝地發現主是以這種化了妝的祝福模式把恩典倾流，把我帶到現在的路上，在未來的日子裡，繼續在這道路上前行。

今天，我雖然能夠看清楚所走過的這段路，有祂同行；有時常會問全程究竟怎樣，因為將來的路，能見到的只是幾步，再遠就見不到了。感謝神，答案是，只要我繼續向前行，我就能看清這是一條怎樣的路 - 一條在每個轉彎都有恩惠和慈愛，每個處境主都離我不遠，我總會聽到他的聲音的路。

一件糗事 Arrogance

過去的好幾個禮拜，總有些事情在忙着，故此，一不留意， 2016年的一月就已經過去了。雖然是有些忙，但在在都經歷着神的應許，身體蒙主保守。感謝主。

2/1(禮拜一)早上，有一對主內的夫婦來訪。我們分享了一些服侍上的經歷；彼此也分享自己的一些糗事。其中一件，惹來大家的哈哈大笑。

Esther :「范牧師牧會初期，我總是對他的講道有意見，要改他的講章.....」

客人：「現在還改嗎？」

Simon :「我後來就怎樣都不給她看我的講章....」。 這時候，大家都哈哈大笑。

Esther：「我對他說，每次聽你講道，我都很緊張.....，就覺得你拉三漏四的」(其實， 范牧師每篇講道、每句話都打下來，很認真；他講道的那個禮拜，我就不能煩他。)

Simon :「我也是，見到你坐在哪裏，皺着眉頭，我就好怕，可能又講錯了什麼，舌頭打結。」客人哈哈大笑，然後就會心微笑。

Esther :「有一個早上，我又想批評他的講道，突然心中響起羅馬書六章的經文，"因為知道我們的舊人和他同釘十字架，使罪身滅絕，叫我們不再作罪的奴僕"。 既然我的舊人已經和主耶穌基督同釘十字架，我是可以不再聽命於舊我的。批評丈夫就是我的舊人，是已經被釘死在十字架上，根本沒有任何權力去吩咐我。聖靈光照了我，我立刻說，批評，你已經被釘在十字架上了，我不會再聽你的話去批評我的丈夫。感謝主，舊我與主同釘十字架這個客觀的事實，從那天那時開始，就成了我主觀的經歷。」

Simon：「現在，我已經不怕她坐在底下聽道，每次見到她面露微笑地點頭，我會很開心，很受鼓舞，講得有信心。」

昨天再想起這件事的時候，聖靈有感動：「Simon是代表我講道，不是代表你。」一個新的更深的光照。

主，我太僭妄了， 求彌赦免。

范牧師每次主持婚禮的講道都極好
Simon's sermons for weddings always excellent

感謝神的光照，也謝謝范牧師多年來對我的容忍接納和照顧。

明天，2月4號是范牧師的生日，謹記此事，表達我對他整個人的欣賞，

祝

年年喜樂，

歲歲蒙福。

Have been busy during the past few weeks.  The first month of 2016 slipped away , yet the experiences of God's promises remained.  I am thankful for His special protection on me from the flu season.

2/1 (Monday) morning, a couple in Christ came to visit. We took the opportunity to share some ministry experiences including some of our own embarrassments. The following one caused laughings.

Esther: "During the first couple years of Simon's pastoral ministry, I was very critical toward his preaching , even tried to change his sermon ....."

Guest: "Still doing that?"

Simon: "No, I won't allow her to view my sermons .....", LAUGHING.

Esther: "I told Simon that I always so nervous listening to your sermons,..... you seemed dropped out some very important things" (in fact, Simon typed out each sentence of all his sermons. He took Sunday preaching very  seriously).

Simon: "Me too, seeing you sitting there with frowning, I became nervous whether I said something wrong......." LAUGHING again then casted a knowing smile.

Esther: "There was one morning, I was tempted to criticize his sermon, suddenly my heart popped up -"  For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin—  Romans 6" .

I came to realized that the critic to Simon was the old self which already been crucified, deid, and being laid off, no longer I need to take orders from my old self. I immediately said, "criticism, you had been crucified, and I would not listen to you to criticize my husband. " Thank God,  That morning, the objective fact that my old self has been crucified, became my subjective experience. "

Simon: "Now, I'm not afraid to have her sit there, each time I see her smiling nod, I felt encouraged with confidence."

Yesterday I recall this experience, the Holy Spirit : "Simon is peraching for me, not for you." A new and deeper enlightenment.

Lord, I was too blasphemy, Forgive me.

Tomorrow, February 4 will be Simon's birthday, I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for all these years' acceptance and grace towards my arrogance.

Wish you full of joy and blessings.

Rev. Paul Chang

December 22 . I took the PCV 13 pneumonia vaccination as instructed by doctor, reactioned with chill and 102 fever until 23rd night .  Then my arm began to have redness, warmth and swelling . The redness like a little red guard, trying to sneak over boundary and eventually  going down to the elbow. 12/27 in urgent care and suspected it was an infection during my vaccination. Due to my heart condition, antibiotics applied and they had site follow up daily.  Four days later, I repulsed all these little red guards :))

  

Yesterday (12/31), Rev. Paul Chang form Singapore came together with Mark his son, and grandson Nathan. (and Rev. Paul Lee ). All together four generations. His visit marked an end to my challenging 2015 with a blessed full stop.

I have known Rev. Paul Chang since I was 11. To me, he is my mentor as well as a spiritual father. 3 years ago, he held his 80^th birthday party. I took the opportunity to write down some of the blessing and impact he made in my life, I am thankful for his commitment to the Lord thru his loving care to the people around him.

Protecting the weak

I attended the evening session (3-8pm) of Bethel High School for my elementary education, commune by 30 minutes of slow bus ride.  At that time, buses were the only public transportation, and there were too many passengers. It always was a challenging for me to get on the bus. There was a time, I tried very hard, already 3-4 buses came and left, still not able to get on. Hungry and cold and frustrated, there came a strong hand blocking off the adults at my side and brought me up the bus. (Later on I learned he was one of our school teacher and also my neighbor taking the same bus route home). This  was our first encounter , also the first impression I had about him: “Protecting the weak.” Later on, in order to save 1.5cents bus fee, I walked home with one of my classmates. I remember one time, teacher Chang walked with us through the darkest street before we said goodbye. 

In the 80’s, China began to open. I had a few opportunities to team up with Paul to serve in China. Once we were taken away by the China police. They first interrogated him and then me. When they were questioning me half way, the door suddenly banged open. Paul rushed in and was mad with the officers, saying they could not do that to me and insisted they should release me right away. Due to his strong intervention, they released me also the local minister. It was 1:30 am in the midnight. They sent us off to a closed train station. I asked him how he got the guts to scream on the officers. He said he was a US passport holder but I only held an entry permit as a Hong Kong resident. He therefore had the obligations to safeguard us. 

On top of being a school teacher, Pastor Chang was also a  youth group mentor in my Hong Kong home church .  Very often, he would play hide and seek with us. His way of hiding was very special. He would just sit there but disguised himself as someone else, and we would not recognize him in the dark. During Chinese new year, he would invite us to his home, teaching us singing hymns, reciting Bible verses and playing fire crackers. I always went with my younger brother visiting him at CNEC office where also his home. We threw fire crackers from his tiny dormitory room. Ever since, I had a deep impression that Pastor Chang loved kids. 

I learned afterwards this love came from his father, who was the principal of the North China Theological Seminary in Shantung, then the principal of Tai Tung Theological Seminary. In the Sino Japanese war, he sacrificially protected and led over 400 orphans and lepers to take refuge in Guangxi.

Four years ago, when my younger brother was fighting lung cancer, Paul always visited and encouraged him. Very often he would choke in his prayers. All these showed his love and care to those in need.

   

Mission Mobilizer

1959,  Rev. Chang went to US to further his studies in church music and theology, and was sent back to Hong Kong by PI-CNEC  in 1970 as the Vice Field Director. I and Simon, then my boyfriend, were under his leadership.

The First Mission Conference

In 1972, The CNEC Kowloon Church (now CNEC Fellowship Church) was being planted under Paul's leadership. He, together with Simon , recruiting some high school students to set up a basketball team. They all enjoyed the meal Mrs. Chang prepared after playing ball games. then followed by Bible study . These youths became the very first new believers  and disciples of the church. Today, most of them are still serving the Lord actively. As soon as the church was being planted, Paul started teaching about mission and the faith promise pledge from day one. In 1974, the church had the first mission conference and commissioning, supporting Pastor John Kao and family to Canada . These are the seeds planted by Pastor Chang. 

Mentor of Life

In the 4 years when Pastor Chang was serving in Hong Kong, not only was he active in mission and music ministry, but he also showed his greatest passion of his life: to equip disciples. I have been benefited in this respect. 

As soon as he came to Hong Kong, he referred me to vocal teacher and coaching my singing. 

In 1973, when he went to US to do

fundraising for the ministry, he also brought me along, I observed how he did the preaching, solo, He also coach me how to give testimony, and give me opportunity to do solo and duet with him, how he promoted prayers for China. In the 3 month trip, I saw the Changs refrained from eating in restaurants. Sometimes, we had to stay in Motel 6, we would bring out our rice cooker, a bottle of oil and soya sauce from the trunk. We would cook minced beef in rice, then the beef rice with lettuce would become our most wonderful meal. He always said he would maximize the use of people’s donations onto the ministry. It was sometimes very weary in the 3 months trip. However, he never showed any impatience. He always showed his tenderness towards Mrs. Chang and his two kids, who were then only 7 and 5. He would never miss any opportunity to find me scholarship for my further studies, and under his arrangement, I got an opportunity to stay in SF Cumberland Church as a ministry intern for 3 months. 

      

1989, my family came to the States to establish the PI USA Chinese ministry. I had the opportunity to arrange Rev. Chang to speak in Chinese churches, and very often Paul would bring seminary students from Burma, Thailand and Singapore along with him.  What he had done to develop and equip me, he kept doing it. He always talked about 2.2.2 (2Tim 2:2) and he actually committed his life in doing so. 

 A Spiritual Father
 

When I was 4, my father was caught and sent to Mongolia for “Labor camp” for 24 years. He was released after I got married. Father God showed His care of us through Pastor Paul Chang. Before he went to Singapore to take office of his new position as the Field Director for CNEC SEA , he sent me off to marry Simon in 1974 just a few days prior their leaving. He also officiated my son’s wedding ceremony and is the beloved Grand Pa of our granddaughter.

Pastor Chang is not only my Spiritual Father, but also the Spiritual Father of many children and workers in the ministry.