生病有好處嗎?

生病有好處嗎， 當然 ！病人休養，做不來的，上主親自成全。還有更好嗎?

    三年前因心臟開刀，所以就把「宣教日引」主編的工作交給在馬來西亞的黃穎穎姊妹來負責，她是個作家，專科美術設計，又有豐富的編輯經驗：所以後來的「宣教日引」，就煥然一新。

   在穎穎的引介下，得到台灣的聯合差傳事工促進會(UMOT)成為台灣「宣教日引」的發行夥伴。他們是一群年輕、充滿朝氣、幹勁十足、對宣教極具熱枕和委身的同工團隊。經過一年多的合作，「宣教日引」成為台灣教會其中一個重要的差傳視窗。

   期間我和穎穎主編大家一同在神面前等候、尋求祂的心意、一齊探討日後「宣教日引」的發展。感謝神，我們有了祂的話語，委任UMOT負責「宣教日引」的出版和全球推動事工，全面邁進和擴張境界。

    如今「宣教日引」在台的發行量已超過8000,全彩色印刷，美加和香港版於明年夏季亦會全彩發行。

   感謝主，由一位「聖經遊蹤」講師的引介，去年2014年2月透過磐石公司，申請在中國正式出版「聖經遊蹤」舊約和新約課本，經過一年多的商洽、等候，訂稿，終於在今年十月得到山東兩會及中國文化局的審批。首批新舊約課本(各五千本，合一萬本)已於11月21日完成印刷。

還有今年11月是晨曦福音戒毒事工十週年， 我甚麼也不用做，就可享受一同數算主恩的喜樂。這可是個大祝福啊！

噢，差點忘了，宣教日引正在開發APP，Android版已上線，iOS版大致明年2月可完成，這樣那些沒有印刷本地區的弟兄姊妹，就可在手機取得為未得之民代求的資料

看，今年雖然生病，許多時間都是待在家裏、躺在床上、在Skype、在思想和等候中渡過，但卻因此而迎來了經歷神自己怎樣作工的福份，神所成就的又豈是即使我有健康就能夠成就的呢。

年終感恩的時候，上主特別提醒我這件事， 由開始學習放多些手，細心觀看，見到了，祂成就了許多美好的事。

願主的平安和恩惠，在你們每一個人的生命裏，源源不絕地湧現。

祝聖誕快樂新年蒙恩。

頭髮另一章 Hair Comes

等了六個月，終於可以除去帽子見人了。

早兩個禮拜，覺得後腦的頭髮好像長得較為濃密，柔柔軟軟的，而且有些兒鬈曲；但每天看着鏡子，仍覺得頭髮長得很慢，額頭前正中的那塊、老是嘻嘻傻傻地稀疏著，那些離家出走的份子，尚未回歸出現。

前天晚上和過去七個月每個禮拜按日替我分發代禱資料的組長一同晚飯時，大家都說頭髮比以前黑了、好看了，連人也顯得年輕了。真開心。 化療啊， 這可是你唯一能討好的副作用！

昨天晚上，請范牧師替我拍了兩張照片，一前一後。看了照片，才喜覺原來頭髮已長了許多，范牧師問我要不要把髮尾剪一下，我才不要。

吃飯時，一位代禱組長分享說 : “我從禮拜天晚上一接到代禱的內容，就已經開始為你禱告。為你禱告時，我是有期待的；禱告有期待，這禱告就變得很不一樣。我覺得自己在這方面開始有了成長...."

”我發出的電郵中， 有一位從香港回郵告訴我，她在為你禱告....我們本不認識，神把我們聯結了...."


另一位為我禱告時說：”感謝神透過為師母生病禱告，把我們眾人的心連結在一起。“

每一位與我同行的弟兄姊妹，都一同經歷了，神確是那位聽禱告的主。因為他們每一個人都藉着禱告，向神獻上了心裏對我的關懷和愛護。

讓我說：“癌病，是神在我生命裡放下的一個特別的祝福."

I  took off the hat la ...

Two weeks ago, I began to feel the soft hair back of my head became dense and  curly .

Nov 19, Simon and I had dinner in fellowship with the prayer leaders who has been sending out prayers to the prayer net supporters weekly for the last 7 months.  They all commented that I look younger with the new grow hair.  What a compliment.  

Oh, Chemotherapy , don't you know, this is the only favor side effects you have !!!

Friday night, I ask Simon to take photos with the new hair.  Look good Lol.

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During the fellowship time, there were encouraging sharing:

"Every Sunday night, as soon as I received the prayer content ,I began to pray for you right away.  I prayed with expectations; and found that when pray with expectations, the prayer became different ,  I felt I began to grow in this area ....

"From the prayer email I sent, there is a return mail from Hong Kong told me that she was praying for you .... We do not know each other, God unites us  ...."

Another one said the following while she was praying after meal:  "Thank God, through prayer for Mrs. Fan, you bond our hearts together."

Thanks for such precious sharing, we all experiencing that God indeed is the one who hears prayer. Because,through prayer, a heart full of compassion and love was presented to Father God .

Let me say:. "Cancer, the special blessing that God place in my life "

Rev. Allen Finley

Today 11/11 is the birthday of the late Rev. Dr. Allen Finley who was the first International President for Partners International.

It was under his leadership I was transferred from Hong Kong to establish the USA Chinese Ministry.  He was called home couple years ago, and I still miss him greatly.

Rev. Finley , A man of God,  also my life saver.

June 1973 my first visit to the States, not long after landed from HK, we were driving to his house, stopped at a red light, and hit by a day dreamer with 60/miles per hour speed.  I was knock out by my luggage, and the whole car was on fire, still running for about 10 to 20 yards before stop.  Every one in the car were able to get out except me in the back seat of a burning car.  It was Rev. Finley who managed to get me out .....

Rev. Finley also the founder of Crossroads Publications (CP) and the Mission Pathway ministry has been operated under CP.

晨曦十周年 Operation Dawn 10th Anniversary

今天是美國晨曦會成立福音戒毒事工十周年的日子，范牧師和我都會和同工、董事及義工們一同唱感恩這歌。

     

和范牧師在家中練習唱的時候，心中想起了十年前的一件往事。

Michael除了有毒癮的問題，還有家庭暴力的案子在身，所以每個禮拜都要從Cupertino 的家開車到南San Jose去接他到三藩市去上<如何處理怒氣 Anger Management>的課程。當時我和塗牧師（姚師母）除了送他去上課，還得坐在課室外邊，雙眼緊盯着課室的門口，生怕被他逃走不回中心。這樣來回每次中得花上五六個小時。

     一次送他去見假釋官時，我就和Michael說，要問假釋官可否讓他在San Jose上這課程，不用到三藩市。

     「范師母，我不想在San Jose 上，我想在三藩市上這課…」

     「你當然不是希望在San Jose 上課，因為在三藩市是你的地頭，你在這裏很容易找到毒品…」

   「范師母，你誤會了，我的英文不好，在San Jose上的課是英文，我聽不懂。」

     聖靈立刻責備我，若我不以主所施予我的恩慈來體恤別人，又因逃避勞瘁而莽下論斷，我就還是絲毫不懂加略山的愛 ...

     這個小小的經歷，讓我看到自己的內心。

     在今天晨曦會慶祝戒毒事工成立十年的特別日子裏，想起這事，更加要為多年來不斷忠心地為戒毒學員付出愛、甚至生命的同工和義工們感恩。

     福音戒毒是一個學習怎樣去愛、怎樣用愛來管理教導地方。願神祝福晨曦會。

Operation Dawn Tenth Anniversary

          Today, Nov 1, USA Operation Dawn celebrating their10th Anniversary. Simon and I with others will be singing together the "Be Thankful", while we practice the song at home, I recall, 10 years ago....

          Michael, on top of the drug addition, also had a court case of domestic violence and had to attend weekly Anger Management class in San Francisco.  Therefore I had to spend at least 5 to 6  hours to take him back and forth, plus watch closely by starring at the classroom door ,to make sure that he won't run away for drugs.

          When the time to send him to a probation officer, I asked Michael  to ask the officer to change the Anger Management class  from San Francisco to San Jose.

      "Mrs. Fan, I do not want to take the class in the San Jose, but in San Francisco,..."

      "You're certainly want to be in San Francisco where is your area, and you  can easily find drugs there ..."

    "Mrs. Fan, you are mistaken, my English is not good, lessons in San Jose is in English, I do not understand..."

          Immediately , the following thought came : If I have no compassion on others, even as my Lord had pity on me; and if I so occupied with my comfort and causing me to make a rude judgment,  then I know nothing of Calvary love.

       What happened, let me see the reality of my own heart.

      I would like to take this as a special opportunity to give thanks for all the loving effort the staff and directors and volunteers they labor together to demonstrate the special Calvary love.  And May God continue to bless Operation Dawn.

八點關機 off @ 8

自從心臟開刀之後，睡眠質素就一直不好。每兩個小時就會醒一次，有時可以睡回去，有時就睡不回去。雖然如此，我仍然很多時候會在晚上，總是要范牧師三催四後才肯關電腦。

決定不做放療 ，體力精神慢慢從化療和手術恢復過來，我又開始故態復萌： 十點過後才關機，和范牧師一同讀經禱告後，已是11點過後，在床上輾轉反側至是12點多才能入睡。

由於防止淋巴水腫要戴上手套這件事，令我開始留心生命裏邊有什麼慣性的行為是不討神喜悅的。在聖靈的提醒下，我看到自己是一個沒有節制的人，不能結出聖靈的果子，反而令聖靈擔憂，這是一種罪。

感謝神的提醒和光照，這個發現令我對日常生活作息的規律有一個全新的看法，過去，即使是身體健康這理由，知道不要花太多時間上網、做東做西，我都無法在八點之前關上電腦；但一旦發現這是個不討神喜悅和令聖靈擔憂的態度後，我可以說是沒有掙扎地不費吹灰之力，就開始培養這個“得自由”的習慣。（除了星期一星期二晚上有網上禱告這兩晚。)

感謝主，這是祂的憐憫。我心欣喜地歌頌救主，因祂使我得自由。Sing, O Sing of my redeemer, with His blood, He purchased me. In the Cross, He sealed my pardon, paid the debt and made me free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p8THfJihuc

After heart surgery, My sleeping quality became poor. Often wake up every two hours,  sometimes cannot go back to sleep. Nevertheless, I still stay late.

As I began to be more sensitive to what kind of habit and attitude I have in life, I began to aware that I am a person without discipline, which is not pleasing God at all and causing the Holy Spirit to grieve, to me, that's sin. 

That gives me a new perspective to my daily life. In the past, the knowledge of knowing sleep early is good for health, could not help me to reduce the time spending on computer, once I found this is not pleasing God, it become very easy for me to shut off the computer after 8pm,( except for Monday and Tuesday, these two night I have skype prayer ). 

I am so thankful that He has such mercy on me to develop this habit. Sing, O Sing of my redeemer, with His blood, He purchased me. In the Cross, He sealed my pardon, paid the debt and made me free.

幾十年的團友 Friends

中秋迎月那天，得到教我拉筋和深呼吸的譚豐雅老師師母，和認識有60年的香港教會團契的大哥哥大姐姐，饒約翰伉儷同來探望關心；饒大哥哥大姐姐可說是看著我長大的。主恩實在很多。

9/26 Friends from HK church came to visit, M/M John Yiu together with my stretching exercise teacher M/M Paul Tam, The Yius know me since I was 8. I found the picture with Mrs. Yiu when I was 18.

50 years ago

中秋當日，還見到一位40年前我在一個教會擔任青少年團契導師時的團友來美訪友時到教會見面，告訴我他們一直有我的消息和同心代禱。照片攝於40年前
9/27 another friend Sau Jan from HK that Simon and I ministered together in another church, came to worship together， and told me that their church also praying for me. photo taken 40 years ago, they came to visit us after I gave birth to Ernest. 

手套隨想 Thoughts on Glove

「范師母，你的手是否有事，總見你帶着手套的。」偶爾，有人會問。

手術後，因為摘除了在腋窩部份、屬免疫系統的淋巴結，醫生囑咐日後右手不能用來量血壓、打針、抽血、曬太陽、甚至不能被蚊蟲咬。為了保護右手，所以我經常都帶着手套。目的就是避免讓右手有任何發炎。

要經常小心保護右手，免得有任何損傷這件事，令我想到，其實人對罪的免疫力是極低的，說實的，是沒有，只不過我們沒有在意；所以很容易在心思意念和行為上得罪神。每次帶上手套，都提醒我要小心保守我的心，要經常求神鑒察，求聖靈光照裏面有什麼惡行沒有；在一些平常不太留意、慣做的事上，有沒有給魔鬼留地步。這也是這次手術後，神用來提醒我的一個、經常在學習的功課。

我開始一個操練，就是花點時間先想一下今天會做些什麼事，在某些事上我經常的反應會怎樣，是否會給惡者留了地步，能否像帶手套該怎樣，預先防範一下。對心急的我來說，是一個很要緊、但卻不易做的操練。

感謝憐憫的父神， 祂讓我開始學習......

"Esther, something happen to your hand ? always see you wearing a glove." Occasionally, someone will ask.

After the surgery, because the removal of the  lymph nodes which belong to the immune system, the doctor told me that for the rest of my life, no  blood pressure measurement, injections, nor any blood work can be done on my right hand, I have to avoid sun burn and even any mosquito or insect bites. Therefore, I often have to wear a glove to avoid any inflammation.

Being so cautious to protect the right hand, caused me to realize that, in fact, human's immune to sin is extremely low, actually not at all; only we do not aware. Every gloving, reminds me has to guard my heart, search me O God always, if there's any wicked way in me.....specially in those things that I get used to do with my own habit  that is not pleasing Him. I am thankful that God use the surgery to teach me this important but not easy lesson.

During the past few weeks, one practice method is to take time to think about what need to be done for that day, what are the some habitual methods of doing things or reactions I would have, will that leave rooms for the evil one? Being a person with not much patience, I found it surly is very challenging, and God has mercy on me that I am willing to begin this learning....