一件糗事 Arrogance

過去的好幾個禮拜，總有些事情在忙着，故此，一不留意， 2016年的一月就已經過去了。雖然是有些忙，但在在都經歷着神的應許，身體蒙主保守。感謝主。

2/1(禮拜一)早上，有一對主內的夫婦來訪。我們分享了一些服侍上的經歷；彼此也分享自己的一些糗事。其中一件，惹來大家的哈哈大笑。

Esther :「范牧師牧會初期，我總是對他的講道有意見，要改他的講章.....」

客人：「現在還改嗎？」

Simon :「我後來就怎樣都不給她看我的講章....」。 這時候，大家都哈哈大笑。

Esther：「我對他說，每次聽你講道，我都很緊張.....，就覺得你拉三漏四的」(其實， 范牧師每篇講道、每句話都打下來，很認真；他講道的那個禮拜，我就不能煩他。)

Simon :「我也是，見到你坐在哪裏，皺着眉頭，我就好怕，可能又講錯了什麼，舌頭打結。」客人哈哈大笑，然後就會心微笑。

Esther :「有一個早上，我又想批評他的講道，突然心中響起羅馬書六章的經文，"因為知道我們的舊人和他同釘十字架，使罪身滅絕，叫我們不再作罪的奴僕"。 既然我的舊人已經和主耶穌基督同釘十字架，我是可以不再聽命於舊我的。批評丈夫就是我的舊人，是已經被釘死在十字架上，根本沒有任何權力去吩咐我。聖靈光照了我，我立刻說，批評，你已經被釘在十字架上了，我不會再聽你的話去批評我的丈夫。感謝主，舊我與主同釘十字架這個客觀的事實，從那天那時開始，就成了我主觀的經歷。」

Simon：「現在，我已經不怕她坐在底下聽道，每次見到她面露微笑地點頭，我會很開心，很受鼓舞，講得有信心。」

昨天再想起這件事的時候，聖靈有感動：「Simon是代表我講道，不是代表你。」一個新的更深的光照。

主，我太僭妄了， 求彌赦免。

范牧師每次主持婚禮的講道都極好
Simon's sermons for weddings always excellent

感謝神的光照，也謝謝范牧師多年來對我的容忍接納和照顧。

明天，2月4號是范牧師的生日，謹記此事，表達我對他整個人的欣賞，

祝

年年喜樂，

歲歲蒙福。

Have been busy during the past few weeks.  The first month of 2016 slipped away , yet the experiences of God's promises remained.  I am thankful for His special protection on me from the flu season.

2/1 (Monday) morning, a couple in Christ came to visit. We took the opportunity to share some ministry experiences including some of our own embarrassments. The following one caused laughings.

Esther: "During the first couple years of Simon's pastoral ministry, I was very critical toward his preaching , even tried to change his sermon ....."

Guest: "Still doing that?"

Simon: "No, I won't allow her to view my sermons .....", LAUGHING.

Esther: "I told Simon that I always so nervous listening to your sermons,..... you seemed dropped out some very important things" (in fact, Simon typed out each sentence of all his sermons. He took Sunday preaching very  seriously).

Simon: "Me too, seeing you sitting there with frowning, I became nervous whether I said something wrong......." LAUGHING again then casted a knowing smile.

Esther: "There was one morning, I was tempted to criticize his sermon, suddenly my heart popped up -"  For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin—  Romans 6" .

I came to realized that the critic to Simon was the old self which already been crucified, deid, and being laid off, no longer I need to take orders from my old self. I immediately said, "criticism, you had been crucified, and I would not listen to you to criticize my husband. " Thank God,  That morning, the objective fact that my old self has been crucified, became my subjective experience. "

Simon: "Now, I'm not afraid to have her sit there, each time I see her smiling nod, I felt encouraged with confidence."

Yesterday I recall this experience, the Holy Spirit : "Simon is peraching for me, not for you." A new and deeper enlightenment.

Lord, I was too blasphemy, Forgive me.

Tomorrow, February 4 will be Simon's birthday, I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for all these years' acceptance and grace towards my arrogance.

Wish you full of joy and blessings.

Rev. Paul Chang

December 22 . I took the PCV 13 pneumonia vaccination as instructed by doctor, reactioned with chill and 102 fever until 23rd night .  Then my arm began to have redness, warmth and swelling . The redness like a little red guard, trying to sneak over boundary and eventually  going down to the elbow. 12/27 in urgent care and suspected it was an infection during my vaccination. Due to my heart condition, antibiotics applied and they had site follow up daily.  Four days later, I repulsed all these little red guards :))

  

Yesterday (12/31), Rev. Paul Chang form Singapore came together with Mark his son, and grandson Nathan. (and Rev. Paul Lee ). All together four generations. His visit marked an end to my challenging 2015 with a blessed full stop.

I have known Rev. Paul Chang since I was 11. To me, he is my mentor as well as a spiritual father. 3 years ago, he held his 80^th birthday party. I took the opportunity to write down some of the blessing and impact he made in my life, I am thankful for his commitment to the Lord thru his loving care to the people around him.

Protecting the weak

I attended the evening session (3-8pm) of Bethel High School for my elementary education, commune by 30 minutes of slow bus ride.  At that time, buses were the only public transportation, and there were too many passengers. It always was a challenging for me to get on the bus. There was a time, I tried very hard, already 3-4 buses came and left, still not able to get on. Hungry and cold and frustrated, there came a strong hand blocking off the adults at my side and brought me up the bus. (Later on I learned he was one of our school teacher and also my neighbor taking the same bus route home). This  was our first encounter , also the first impression I had about him: “Protecting the weak.” Later on, in order to save 1.5cents bus fee, I walked home with one of my classmates. I remember one time, teacher Chang walked with us through the darkest street before we said goodbye. 

In the 80’s, China began to open. I had a few opportunities to team up with Paul to serve in China. Once we were taken away by the China police. They first interrogated him and then me. When they were questioning me half way, the door suddenly banged open. Paul rushed in and was mad with the officers, saying they could not do that to me and insisted they should release me right away. Due to his strong intervention, they released me also the local minister. It was 1:30 am in the midnight. They sent us off to a closed train station. I asked him how he got the guts to scream on the officers. He said he was a US passport holder but I only held an entry permit as a Hong Kong resident. He therefore had the obligations to safeguard us. 

On top of being a school teacher, Pastor Chang was also a  youth group mentor in my Hong Kong home church .  Very often, he would play hide and seek with us. His way of hiding was very special. He would just sit there but disguised himself as someone else, and we would not recognize him in the dark. During Chinese new year, he would invite us to his home, teaching us singing hymns, reciting Bible verses and playing fire crackers. I always went with my younger brother visiting him at CNEC office where also his home. We threw fire crackers from his tiny dormitory room. Ever since, I had a deep impression that Pastor Chang loved kids. 

I learned afterwards this love came from his father, who was the principal of the North China Theological Seminary in Shantung, then the principal of Tai Tung Theological Seminary. In the Sino Japanese war, he sacrificially protected and led over 400 orphans and lepers to take refuge in Guangxi.

Four years ago, when my younger brother was fighting lung cancer, Paul always visited and encouraged him. Very often he would choke in his prayers. All these showed his love and care to those in need.

   

Mission Mobilizer

1959,  Rev. Chang went to US to further his studies in church music and theology, and was sent back to Hong Kong by PI-CNEC  in 1970 as the Vice Field Director. I and Simon, then my boyfriend, were under his leadership.

The First Mission Conference

In 1972, The CNEC Kowloon Church (now CNEC Fellowship Church) was being planted under Paul's leadership. He, together with Simon , recruiting some high school students to set up a basketball team. They all enjoyed the meal Mrs. Chang prepared after playing ball games. then followed by Bible study . These youths became the very first new believers  and disciples of the church. Today, most of them are still serving the Lord actively. As soon as the church was being planted, Paul started teaching about mission and the faith promise pledge from day one. In 1974, the church had the first mission conference and commissioning, supporting Pastor John Kao and family to Canada . These are the seeds planted by Pastor Chang. 

Mentor of Life

In the 4 years when Pastor Chang was serving in Hong Kong, not only was he active in mission and music ministry, but he also showed his greatest passion of his life: to equip disciples. I have been benefited in this respect. 

As soon as he came to Hong Kong, he referred me to vocal teacher and coaching my singing. 

In 1973, when he went to US to do

fundraising for the ministry, he also brought me along, I observed how he did the preaching, solo, He also coach me how to give testimony, and give me opportunity to do solo and duet with him, how he promoted prayers for China. In the 3 month trip, I saw the Changs refrained from eating in restaurants. Sometimes, we had to stay in Motel 6, we would bring out our rice cooker, a bottle of oil and soya sauce from the trunk. We would cook minced beef in rice, then the beef rice with lettuce would become our most wonderful meal. He always said he would maximize the use of people’s donations onto the ministry. It was sometimes very weary in the 3 months trip. However, he never showed any impatience. He always showed his tenderness towards Mrs. Chang and his two kids, who were then only 7 and 5. He would never miss any opportunity to find me scholarship for my further studies, and under his arrangement, I got an opportunity to stay in SF Cumberland Church as a ministry intern for 3 months. 

      

1989, my family came to the States to establish the PI USA Chinese ministry. I had the opportunity to arrange Rev. Chang to speak in Chinese churches, and very often Paul would bring seminary students from Burma, Thailand and Singapore along with him.  What he had done to develop and equip me, he kept doing it. He always talked about 2.2.2 (2Tim 2:2) and he actually committed his life in doing so. 

 A Spiritual Father
 

When I was 4, my father was caught and sent to Mongolia for “Labor camp” for 24 years. He was released after I got married. Father God showed His care of us through Pastor Paul Chang. Before he went to Singapore to take office of his new position as the Field Director for CNEC SEA , he sent me off to marry Simon in 1974 just a few days prior their leaving. He also officiated my son’s wedding ceremony and is the beloved Grand Pa of our granddaughter.

Pastor Chang is not only my Spiritual Father, but also the Spiritual Father of many children and workers in the ministry.

屬靈父親---張牧師

12/22(冬至)， 我遵醫生吩咐打了肺炎疫苗，跟著就發冷和發燒 102度。  2/24手臂開始紅腫。我叫這紅腫做不安份的小皮蛋，每天都偷渡過界擴大勢力。 12/27急診，醫生說是注射時感染細菌，可選擇到醫院打幾天抗生素點滴，我選擇口服觀察；跟著每天都去醫院，連去了四天， 感謝神，終於把之收拾。

作天12/31  張寶華牧師來訪，(還有李智群牧師，張牧師的兒子和孫兒)，一同拍了張四代同堂照。他的到來，對我而言， 是替我這波濤洶湧的2015年，放下一個祝福的句號。感恩不已。

我十一歲就認識張牧師，他對我是亦師亦父。

幾年前他慶祝八十大壽， 我記下了一些常在我心的點滴 回憶，藉此機會，謝謝他的扶持、呵護和活出那愛神的生命。

指揮新加坡葛培理佈道大會詩班 Conduct the Billy Graham Singapore Crusade Joint Choir 

保護弱小者

小學時，讀香港伯特利夜校部。晚上八時放學，然後再坐巴士返家。當時香港人多車少，很難擠上公車。記得一次又餓又冷，出盡力也擠不上，正急著時，突然一隻有力的手，擋開身旁的大漢大嬸，帶了上車，原來是老師張寶華(後來知道他是隣居，故也乘坐11號巴士)。這是張牧師留給我的第一個印象，「保護弱小者」。後來，有時，我和竹君，(邱清泰師母)為了省下一毛錢，步行回家時，張老師都關心，好像有一次還陪著我們二人步行一段最黑的小路才自行離開。

八十年代，中國開放後，我有多次機會和張牧師在國內事奉。一次被公安抓走，分開問話，先問他，後問我。問到一半，門被大力打開，張牧師怒氣衝衝走進來，指著女公安，說她不應該這樣待我們，要她趕緊放我。由於張牧師的堅持，我們和其他一位當地同工，立刻就被放。在半夜一點多，送到空無一人的火車站釋放。我問張牧師為什麼這樣大膽罵公安，他說，我拿美國護照，你是回鄉証，一定要保護你。

張牧師除了是學校老師，還是我在香港紅磡教會的團契導師，完了聚會，他總會花時間和一班青、少年人玩捉迷藏，他藏的方式很特別，就坐在那兒，假扮著另一人，大顆兒在黑暗中就認不出他。過年過節，他總會把一班團友請到家中，教我們唱詩，背聖經，還有燒炮仗。我和弟弟就常去當時是CNEC香港辦公室，他的宿舍處，在二樓的窗戶中，向外抛爆竹。從小，張牧師就給我和弟弟一個深刻印象，就是他很愛護孩子。

後來才知道，這種關懷，來自他父親的影響。(張學恭牧師，當時是中國華北神學院院長，其後任泰東神學院院長。抗戰期捨命保護和帶著四百多名孤兒以及痳瘋病人逃到廣西。)

三年多前，我弟弟肺癌，張牧師每次來美，一定要去看他，鼓勵他；為他禱告時，經常聲音暗啞難過。這一切，在在顯示了張牧師對有需要的人的關顧和愛。

                                                                                                          

差傳的傳承者

高小時，大約是1958-59年，張老師突然不見了，後來才知道他去了美國深造。1968年，我從神學院畢業，在中華傳道會區會的青年部事奉，張牧師在1970年被  CNEC  -PI  美國總部派回來協助桑安柱牧師，任副監督，我和當時的男朋友，范榮香，就在他帶領下學習事奉。

中心堂第一屆差傳會

1972年參予成立中心堂(當時名為九龍教會)，他親自帶著范榮香，邀請了一些年青人，組成籃球隊，打球，談信仰。這些學生成了中心堂的初期信徒的班底。今天，大部份都有美好的服事。張牧師一開始就教導中心堂參予差傳，學習信心認獻。74年就舉行第一次差傳年會，支持區會差派高雲漢牧師一家前往加拿大開荒。這一切，都是張牧師所播下的種籽。

 生命的栽培者

張牧師在香港事奉四年，期間，他不但傳遞差傳，推動聖樂教育，張牧師生命裡最大的熱情也逐漸顯露，就是發掘和栽培事奉者。我自己就是身受其益者之一。張牧師一回來，就替我找好的聲樂老師，他自己經常指導我練習。

1973年，返美替  PI CNEC  兒童助學金及事工籌款時，把我也帶去，讓我一路上觀摩他如何講道、獻詩，及鼓勵西方教會為中國禱告。整整三個月的行程，一行五人(張牧師一家人加上我)，走訪了全美一大圈許多教會。其中，我親眼見到，張牧師師母儘量不上館子，沒有人招待住宿住Motel 6時，我們車尾箱總有一個電飯煲，一瓶油，和醬油，把免治牛肉混在飯內弄熟，生菜一個開水燙熟，就是一頓美而儉的晚餐。他常說，人家的奉獻儘量使用在聖工上。三個月的行程，有時很累，但他從沒有表現出不耐煩，總時溫溫和和的待兩個只有5，7歲的孩子和師母。途中，不忘替我找獎學金深造，後來還安排我在金巴崙教會實習三個月。

1989年，我被調往美國國際福音協傳會(PI)負責北美的華人事工。每年都安排張牧師在不同華人教會異象分享，他多次安排緬甸、泰國或新加坡神學院的學生來美，一同服事。我在旁邊，又再次看到張牧師對後輩的悉心栽培。因他常提及2.2.2.(提後2章2節)，而他也身體力行地栽培後輩。

                                                                                                              

 屬靈的父親

四歲時我自己的父親被抓往內蒙古勞改24 年，在我婚後才獲釋；父神特別透過張牧師彰顯祂的恩眷，1974年，把我嫁出去後，才前往新加坡出任東南亞區監督；我兒子婚禮也是他主婚，更是孫女爾珩心中的張爺爺。

張牧師不但是我屬靈的父親，更是許許多多孩子和事奉者的屬靈父親。

生病有好處嗎?

生病有好處嗎， 當然 ！病人休養，做不來的，上主親自成全。還有更好嗎?

    三年前因心臟開刀，所以就把「宣教日引」主編的工作交給在馬來西亞的黃穎穎姊妹來負責，她是個作家，專科美術設計，又有豐富的編輯經驗：所以後來的「宣教日引」，就煥然一新。

   在穎穎的引介下，得到台灣的聯合差傳事工促進會(UMOT)成為台灣「宣教日引」的發行夥伴。他們是一群年輕、充滿朝氣、幹勁十足、對宣教極具熱枕和委身的同工團隊。經過一年多的合作，「宣教日引」成為台灣教會其中一個重要的差傳視窗。

   期間我和穎穎主編大家一同在神面前等候、尋求祂的心意、一齊探討日後「宣教日引」的發展。感謝神，我們有了祂的話語，委任UMOT負責「宣教日引」的出版和全球推動事工，全面邁進和擴張境界。

    如今「宣教日引」在台的發行量已超過8000,全彩色印刷，美加和香港版於明年夏季亦會全彩發行。

   感謝主，由一位「聖經遊蹤」講師的引介，去年2014年2月透過磐石公司，申請在中國正式出版「聖經遊蹤」舊約和新約課本，經過一年多的商洽、等候，訂稿，終於在今年十月得到山東兩會及中國文化局的審批。首批新舊約課本(各五千本，合一萬本)已於11月21日完成印刷。

還有今年11月是晨曦福音戒毒事工十週年， 我甚麼也不用做，就可享受一同數算主恩的喜樂。這可是個大祝福啊！

噢，差點忘了，宣教日引正在開發APP，Android版已上線，iOS版大致明年2月可完成，這樣那些沒有印刷本地區的弟兄姊妹，就可在手機取得為未得之民代求的資料

看，今年雖然生病，許多時間都是待在家裏、躺在床上、在Skype、在思想和等候中渡過，但卻因此而迎來了經歷神自己怎樣作工的福份，神所成就的又豈是即使我有健康就能夠成就的呢。

年終感恩的時候，上主特別提醒我這件事， 由開始學習放多些手，細心觀看，見到了，祂成就了許多美好的事。

願主的平安和恩惠，在你們每一個人的生命裏，源源不絕地湧現。

祝聖誕快樂新年蒙恩。

頭髮另一章 Hair Comes

等了六個月，終於可以除去帽子見人了。

早兩個禮拜，覺得後腦的頭髮好像長得較為濃密，柔柔軟軟的，而且有些兒鬈曲；但每天看着鏡子，仍覺得頭髮長得很慢，額頭前正中的那塊、老是嘻嘻傻傻地稀疏著，那些離家出走的份子，尚未回歸出現。

前天晚上和過去七個月每個禮拜按日替我分發代禱資料的組長一同晚飯時，大家都說頭髮比以前黑了、好看了，連人也顯得年輕了。真開心。 化療啊， 這可是你唯一能討好的副作用！

昨天晚上，請范牧師替我拍了兩張照片，一前一後。看了照片，才喜覺原來頭髮已長了許多，范牧師問我要不要把髮尾剪一下，我才不要。

吃飯時，一位代禱組長分享說 : “我從禮拜天晚上一接到代禱的內容，就已經開始為你禱告。為你禱告時，我是有期待的；禱告有期待，這禱告就變得很不一樣。我覺得自己在這方面開始有了成長...."

”我發出的電郵中， 有一位從香港回郵告訴我，她在為你禱告....我們本不認識，神把我們聯結了...."


另一位為我禱告時說：”感謝神透過為師母生病禱告，把我們眾人的心連結在一起。“

每一位與我同行的弟兄姊妹，都一同經歷了，神確是那位聽禱告的主。因為他們每一個人都藉着禱告，向神獻上了心裏對我的關懷和愛護。

讓我說：“癌病，是神在我生命裡放下的一個特別的祝福."

I  took off the hat la ...

Two weeks ago, I began to feel the soft hair back of my head became dense and  curly .

Nov 19, Simon and I had dinner in fellowship with the prayer leaders who has been sending out prayers to the prayer net supporters weekly for the last 7 months.  They all commented that I look younger with the new grow hair.  What a compliment.  

Oh, Chemotherapy , don't you know, this is the only favor side effects you have !!!

Friday night, I ask Simon to take photos with the new hair.  Look good Lol.

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During the fellowship time, there were encouraging sharing:

"Every Sunday night, as soon as I received the prayer content ,I began to pray for you right away.  I prayed with expectations; and found that when pray with expectations, the prayer became different ,  I felt I began to grow in this area ....

"From the prayer email I sent, there is a return mail from Hong Kong told me that she was praying for you .... We do not know each other, God unites us  ...."

Another one said the following while she was praying after meal:  "Thank God, through prayer for Mrs. Fan, you bond our hearts together."

Thanks for such precious sharing, we all experiencing that God indeed is the one who hears prayer. Because,through prayer, a heart full of compassion and love was presented to Father God .

Let me say:. "Cancer, the special blessing that God place in my life "

Rev. Allen Finley

Today 11/11 is the birthday of the late Rev. Dr. Allen Finley who was the first International President for Partners International.

It was under his leadership I was transferred from Hong Kong to establish the USA Chinese Ministry.  He was called home couple years ago, and I still miss him greatly.

Rev. Finley , A man of God,  also my life saver.

June 1973 my first visit to the States, not long after landed from HK, we were driving to his house, stopped at a red light, and hit by a day dreamer with 60/miles per hour speed.  I was knock out by my luggage, and the whole car was on fire, still running for about 10 to 20 yards before stop.  Every one in the car were able to get out except me in the back seat of a burning car.  It was Rev. Finley who managed to get me out .....

Rev. Finley also the founder of Crossroads Publications (CP) and the Mission Pathway ministry has been operated under CP.

晨曦十周年 Operation Dawn 10th Anniversary

今天是美國晨曦會成立福音戒毒事工十周年的日子，范牧師和我都會和同工、董事及義工們一同唱感恩這歌。

     

和范牧師在家中練習唱的時候，心中想起了十年前的一件往事。

Michael除了有毒癮的問題，還有家庭暴力的案子在身，所以每個禮拜都要從Cupertino 的家開車到南San Jose去接他到三藩市去上<如何處理怒氣 Anger Management>的課程。當時我和塗牧師（姚師母）除了送他去上課，還得坐在課室外邊，雙眼緊盯着課室的門口，生怕被他逃走不回中心。這樣來回每次中得花上五六個小時。

     一次送他去見假釋官時，我就和Michael說，要問假釋官可否讓他在San Jose上這課程，不用到三藩市。

     「范師母，我不想在San Jose 上，我想在三藩市上這課…」

     「你當然不是希望在San Jose 上課，因為在三藩市是你的地頭，你在這裏很容易找到毒品…」

   「范師母，你誤會了，我的英文不好，在San Jose上的課是英文，我聽不懂。」

     聖靈立刻責備我，若我不以主所施予我的恩慈來體恤別人，又因逃避勞瘁而莽下論斷，我就還是絲毫不懂加略山的愛 ...

     這個小小的經歷，讓我看到自己的內心。

     在今天晨曦會慶祝戒毒事工成立十年的特別日子裏，想起這事，更加要為多年來不斷忠心地為戒毒學員付出愛、甚至生命的同工和義工們感恩。

     福音戒毒是一個學習怎樣去愛、怎樣用愛來管理教導地方。願神祝福晨曦會。

Operation Dawn Tenth Anniversary

          Today, Nov 1, USA Operation Dawn celebrating their10th Anniversary. Simon and I with others will be singing together the "Be Thankful", while we practice the song at home, I recall, 10 years ago....

          Michael, on top of the drug addition, also had a court case of domestic violence and had to attend weekly Anger Management class in San Francisco.  Therefore I had to spend at least 5 to 6  hours to take him back and forth, plus watch closely by starring at the classroom door ,to make sure that he won't run away for drugs.

          When the time to send him to a probation officer, I asked Michael  to ask the officer to change the Anger Management class  from San Francisco to San Jose.

      "Mrs. Fan, I do not want to take the class in the San Jose, but in San Francisco,..."

      "You're certainly want to be in San Francisco where is your area, and you  can easily find drugs there ..."

    "Mrs. Fan, you are mistaken, my English is not good, lessons in San Jose is in English, I do not understand..."

          Immediately , the following thought came : If I have no compassion on others, even as my Lord had pity on me; and if I so occupied with my comfort and causing me to make a rude judgment,  then I know nothing of Calvary love.

       What happened, let me see the reality of my own heart.

      I would like to take this as a special opportunity to give thanks for all the loving effort the staff and directors and volunteers they labor together to demonstrate the special Calvary love.  And May God continue to bless Operation Dawn.